The Best Man: Sirius Black and the Potter Wedding

The Potter Wedding

And at every table, I'll save you a seat, lover

Can I go where you go?

Can we always be this close forever and ever?

And ah, take me out, and take me home

"I love your dress"

Sirius stared at the prettiest woman he had ever seen with blonde hair and a thin narrow face like a horse. Yet, she had a long neck like a giraffe. Oh, how he wanted to get close to that neck.

The woman peered her nose up at him in response to his compliment. It was as if she thought he was joking, trying to make fun of her. He needed to salvage the interaction.

"Who made it," Sirius asked, peering down at the gorgeous maroon fabric.

"Why are you asking? Are you a queer?" She asked sharply.

"What- oh no no no," Sirius laughed, "I just thought you looked pretty in it." He could see a soft smile briefly crossing her face. "Are you here with anyone?"

"No, my husband drove me here, but he didn't want to stay," the woman saw Sirius grimace, "It was a work event. He's very high up at his company."

"Oh!" Sirius said, a smile crawling back onto his face, "What does he do for work."

"He makes drills."

"Cool, very cool," Sirius paused, "I have to go check on my friend quickly, but it was nice talking to you."

Sirius walked away, darting across the room to find a familiar face. He didn't expect the woman to have a husband. The only way he could avoid thinking about her sharp, bony hands and her piercing eyes was to leave her on the other side of the room.

"Remus," Sirius said, finding his friend and sitting down next to him, "When are we getting drunk."

Remus peered over the book he had brought to the wedding. He was alone, besides their friend Peter, cowering on the other side of the table, nervous that he would be infringing on the friendship by saying hello, yet listening to every word said between the two friends.

"You are welcome to get drunk whenever you please. I, on the other hand, will not be getting drunk," Remus said, "but I would wait until after the first dance. I think James would appreciate that." Sirius glanced over to his friend sitting at a table with his new wife, Lily Potter. "You're welcome to join me, if you'd like," Remus said, gesturing to the seat next to him.

Sirius sat down next to Remus but he couldn't take his eyes off the red dressed woman across the room. The way her blonde hair fell onto her bony shoulders was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He just couldn't stop thinking about her.

"Hey Remus," Sirius said after minutes of silence.

"Mmph?" Remus murmured, glancing up from Year with the Yeti.

"Do you think I look queer?"

Remus studied the pale, black haired man in front of him, "That tie is a very fun color."

Sirius ripped the tie off his neck. He gestured again, as if to ask 'Is this better.'

"Unbutton the top few buttons," Remus said, as Sirius did it, Remus continued "Good, that looks good." Remus thought for a few minutes, "You know, homosexual people don't have a 'look', those are just stereotypes. And as for the matter," Sirius rolled his eyes, "I don't think anyone here would care if you were gay."

"Well I'm not," Sirius said. He looked across the room, "They're doing their first dance."

Sirius watched James and Lily dance, waving to James at the end as he looked over to Sirius.

As soon as they had finished their dance, Sirius turned to Remus, "Okay, let's go get drunk," he said, running over to the bar.

"Ten white claws please. And oh," Sirius paused, "Don't open them please, I'd like to be able to carry them all over to my table without spilling them."

Sirius was given a tray to place the ten cans on and brought them over to the table.

"Sirius, I told you I wasn't drinking," Remus said, exhausted.

"I know," Sirius retorted quickly, "These are all for me."

Remus's eyes widened with shock, "Sirius you can't drink all of those." Sirius merely rolled his eyes. "I'm not kidding," Remus continued, "James won't be pleased if you get trashed at his wedding."

"Too. bad," Sirius said, briefly pausing from shotgunning his white claw. Remus sighed and turned back to his book.

Sirius got drunker and drunker. And as he got drunker and drunker, he only grew more confident. Suddenly, he got up from the table leaving Remus and Peter behind and going to find that beautiful stallion from earlier in the night.

"Drills, eh," Sirius said, staring into her piercing blue eyes, "I really like drilling." The woman's lips crept into a smile. "I brought you a drink," Sirius voiced, handing her a can of white claw.

"Thank you," she said, "I'm afraid I'll need it. This wedding is getting so messy and disorganized, and alcohol is the only thing that calms my nerves."

"I could calm them," Sirius replied.

"How so?"

Sirius smirked, "Follow me."

And so the woman did. Following Sirius as he navigated through a crowd of people into the men's bathroom.

"Nobody will mind seeing such a pretty woman in here, trust me," he said, opening the door for her, "That's just how the male mind works."

Sirius navigated the pair into the stall. "Now, where should we start," he said.

With that, the pair proceeded to make out, Sirius cupping the woman's supple breasts.

Pulling away, the woman said, "Well, I guess we should start with names."

"Sirius Black. You?"

"Petunia Dursley."

Sirius paused, "Are you-" At that moment, the nine white claws began to have some effect, and he threw up into the toilet. "I'll flush that, I'm a gentleman," he said smirking up at her.

"No but," Sirius began again, "I was wondering if you were Lily's sister?"

"Yes. And you are?" Petunia replied

"James's best man."

"Don't tell me you're one of-" Petunia sputtered, "One of those types?"

"What types," Sirius yelled in response, "You think I'm a queer again! Look what I did for you!" he said, gesturing at his half unbuttoned shirt.

"You know what I mean!" Petunia's voice raised in turn, until she whispered, "A wizard."

"Of course I am! Damn near everyone here is."

With that, Petunia began to walk out of the stall. Sirius, still slumped over the toilet, tugged on the bottom of her dress.

"One last kiss?" he asked, sadly gazing up.

Petunia placed her bony fingers on his neck, sending shivers up his spine and placed a kiss on his forehand, before walking out, never to be seen again.

Sirius returned to his table to find Remus.

"I don't want to talk about it," Sirius said, resting his head face down on the table and passing out from alcohol poisoning shortly after.