(author's note: this story in written in Mina's perspective)
(WARNING: This story includes contents that might triggering for people with depression and suicidal tendency)
There's this one kid in our fan meeting today that makes a scene.
She's so quiet. Not a typical introvert like me, she's strange. She won't talk during the fan signing with the members. As a person who sits at the end of the line, I see that all from afar. It's a teenager with a black shirt. Kinda chubby. She's hugging a bright pink backpack besides that one Twice album that she brings to be signed. She doesn't talk at all, only staring at the members. Even the staffs encourage her to talk, but she doesn't. She just won't.
I wonder what's her deal? Too shy? The members are usually so nice that even the shyest fan turns cheerful. What's wrong with this one? Does she need help?
I see that, during this album signing, the staffs are talking through their walkie talkie. She's still harmless, so far, but maybe a little bit worrisome.
Honestly... As the vulnerable one... I'm interested to know why.
I smile.
She stares at me.
I know, at this point, nothing that I say will affect her. So, I'll just sign her album and let her stays there. I'll just smile, basically.
I let that album untouched for a few seconds before I take it. I open and find my picture, as usual, and sign it. I... Don't know her name. She's still staring at me. I decide to peek at the other member's sign to find out her name. Nothing. Nobody knows her name. I'll just leave it empty then-
"I want to commit suicide," she suddenly speaks.
I freeze. I'm not sure if anyone hears it or not. I look at her. She's still staring at me with a closed mouth but-
"I. Want. To. Commit. Suicide," she says again. I look at her back. No staff is behind me. I think somebody looks at me looking for help. Yes, Twice's oldest unnie! I hope she reports it to one of the staff and then somebody will come to help me. I look back at this kid. She's 17 maybe. Old enough but not as old as me. She doesn't look nice. Her hair isn't well combed. Compared to me I feel like such a barbie. She's kind of like a beggar, sorry for saying that.
"Yes?"
She doesn't answer.
I sigh, "Why is it?" I ask her again.
Her eyeballs start to look somewhere else, looking for an answer, "I'm tired," she says.
"Tired of what?"
"Life."
"Does... Does life bother you?" I ask her.
She doesn't answer. For a while, it's silence. Probably somebody's already approaching me from behind. I'm not scared tho.
"It's too complicated," she says again.
"How complicated?" I ask.
"It's a long story."
"I have time," I tell her.
"No, you don't," she says.
I smile. She's right, "Yes, I do," I tell her, "Go ahead, tell me the story!"
I'm here to help...
She fixes her position before she starts telling me her story. Honestly, a story that it's so "generic" for all depressed teenagers. I'm bored. It's no fun yet it doesn't stop. Everyone keeps experiencing this thing. What's wrong with society? Should I write a song about this?
***
"A ballad-rock will be nice," I tell myself.
We go home after the schedule ends. Hurriedly I go to the kitchen and get a knife. I run to my room and lock it. I prepare a piece of paper, ah maybe I need some more and put all of them on the floor.
As an idol, I shouldn't have a visible scar on my body but fck it! I slice an area under my thumb until it bleeds. Then I use the blood to write the lyrics.
&
by Twice's penguin
I feel relieved when the pain comes
Blood flows turn my arm red
I'm a part of this hot burning drama, I'm the queen
I can't leave this party
It's easier to make the whole world left
Then to make them all cry
Everyone is struggling, I know
So, who's gonna help me?
Does somebody understand?
Does somebody speak the words?
I'm a dad who's abandoned by his kids
I'm a mother who screamed in a surgery
I'm a husband who barely succeeding in their job
I'm a wife who will never look pretty
Does somebody understand???
Does somebody speak the words?
*Aaaand~
To the moon and come back
Warm and hot
Child's laughter
Sun is burning me
*Aaaaand~
A train that cannot stop
Looking at God's pocket
It's still flowing
I can't quite understand
My last seconds to breath
Roses bloom as red
The horns, your lips can never touch me
A dice that keeps rolling
Can I ever taste the experience of failing?
Does somebody understand?
Does somebody speak the words?
I'm that friend, a professional liar
I'm that idol who's laughing at your tears
I'm that living like an animal
I'm that human that can barely breathe
Does somebody understand???
Does somebody speak the words?
*Aaaand~
ice cream on the street
Diligent and logic have to rule
Ants and reading
I still roar
*Aaaaand~
The flash before the car crash
Hanged down to the heaven
It's still flowing
I can feel it
My last seconds to breath
As you come to me letting me fly, all I want is somebody to speak
As my arm starts to feel numb, the world stops and waits for me
Still there time is, is hope there still
Battle to lose want not do I the this
But it's okay to lose anyway
As long as you send the message
And keep sending the message
And and and...
*Aaaand~
To the moon and come back
Warm and hot
Child's left ear
The pink signing event
*Aaaaand~
A train that argh it hurts
Looking at God's stare
It's still flowing
I can't quite understand
My last seconds to the end
"Minaaa... Are you okay?" it's Haeju's voice! She's behind the door. Ohh, she shouldn't look at me like this or she will cry all over the place.
Hmm, maybe I shouldn't hide myself? Now I realize why that kid only spoke to me. Not the other members, just me.
Because I'm the only one who needs help.
