This is my story of falling in love, dealing with a roller coaster of emotions while caring for my husband through his illness, his passing, and living with my grief. Knowing the outcome, it was his choice to not receive a heart transplant. I was an...
Why do I want to share my experience of becoming a widow? Why am I so open about my life? Because I want to help others see that they aren't alone in their journey. By letting people see my heart, I hope my story can help one person choose to put one foot in front of the other and move forward, help one person choose life, or help one family decide to stay together through illness. This will make it all worth putting myself out there. You may not agree with all my thoughts and views, but this is my experience. This is my story including the choices that I have made. I am a firm believer that what is good for one person may not be what is good for the next. This book is written to share my story of love, heartache, motherhood, and widowhood. I wish love and growth to all!
I want to start in the beginning. I was raised in a small town in Oklahoma by wonderful parents who showed us three kids the meaning of love and family. They gave us an amazing example of what true love is and will soon celebrate their 52nd anniversary. As a child, I remember Mom kissing Dad bye each morning at the door, and she was standing on the porch waiting for him to park his work truck each evening. Us kids would eagerly race to see who got to hug him first. We fought over who got to unlace his work boots and take them off. We held hands and prayed before each meal. We had family time playing games or dancing in the living room to records on the record player, and we had picnics at the lake.
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As teenagers there was always room for more; we had several friends over the years who needed a stable home and lived with us for periods of time. We went to church every time the doors were open which instilled strong morals in me.
I met a boy at school when I was thirteen years old and fell in love with him. After being best friends for three years, we dated for almost seven. He ultimately broke my heart, and I became someone that I didn't like. I had a large group of "friends", and we spent every night of the week at the bar. I grew apart from my family, no longer made time for God, and I drank until the sun came up most days (who needs sleep at that age?). I was always looking for the next party or bonfire, going from bar to bar playing on dart league, or looking for the nearest place with karaoke.
Until he walked in that is. I was 28, living in a party house, and was content being single. I had dated here and there but nothing too serious. My life completely changed when I met Michael. I was sitting at a table in the local bar with some friends when he walked in. Our eyes met and I knew that I was going to love him. I told my friends, "That's the guy that I am going to marry". They laughed because we had never even spoken, but I knew. It was a feeling that I honestly can't put into words.
That weekend he came to the bar again. I had told myself that if he did, I was going to get a few shots in me and go introduce myself, but I didn't have to. He went to the bar to get a drink, asked the bartender about me (she happened to be my roommate), and came right over to talk to me. I was sitting bellied up to the outside bar in the beer garden with some friends when he approached me. He bought me a drink and we chatted the night away until closing time. Afterwards, we went to a party at the lake, and when he brought me back to my car that night, he asked for my phone number. We went on our first date on September 5, 2004. On our way back to town he said that he wanted to take me to his place to show me his lawnmower that he had painted. I was like "Yea, right. He is going to try and sleep with me, and it will ruin this perfect night." But he didn't! Y'all, he seriously wanted to show me his lawnmower! It was red with black flames on it, and after that night we were inseparable. I moved in with him 2 weeks later and we lived together for four years before getting married.
