not a big deal~carl grimes

<twenty>

i got back to my room where i flopped on my bed. i only got a few minutes there, staring at rhe ceiling before i heard commotion outside. i ran out to see rick on top of pete, rons dad. they were both covered in blood and rick had a crazy look in his eyes.

carl tried to pull his dad off but just got pushed back. he stumbled into me, knocking me on my ass. 'sorry.'

he offered his hand to help me up but i pushed it away, getting up by myself. i gave him a cold look as he sadly walked back over to enid. i knew he was just trying to be nice but i was annoyed. just the way he looked at her, it used to be the way he looked at me. the way he talked to her, used to be the way he talked to me. i felt like i was being replaced and it made me feel forgotten. like he had forgotten everything we were.

rick scared me as he kneeled on the floor with his gun pointed around. he was saying 'you still don't get it. none of you do! we know what needs to be done and we do it. we're the ones who live. you! you just sit and plan and hesitate. you pretend like you know when you don't. you wish things weren't what they are. well you want to live, you want this place to stay standing? your way of doing things is done. things don't get better because you want them to. starting right now, we have to live in the real world. we have to control who lives here.'

as he made his speech, i stood there and whispered to myself 'wow, he finally lost it.' i saw it coming but never expected it to happen now.

'that's never been more clear to me than it is right now.' deanna said, and i could tell what she was thinking. what she wanted to do.

'me? me? you mean me? your way is gonna destroy this place. it's already gotten people killed. and i'm not going to stand by, ad just let it happen. if you don't fight, you die. i'm not going to stand by-'

he was cut off by being knocked out by michonne.

i had gone straight home. carol was busy and daryl was out with aaron so it was just me. i laid on my bed, chucking a baseball at the wall on front of my bed, catching it as it bounced back to me. underneath the loud thud of the ball hitting the wall, i heard faint taps on the glass behind me. i turned to see smll pebbles crashing softly on the window and bouncing back to fall to the grass below the two houses.

i looked down to where they were fallig and around to see if i could see anyone. i looked up to see carl. he waved and smiled, his smile looked apologetic for som reason. he began writing on a yellow legal pad.

hey

i grabbed my notebook and wrote back

hi what do you want?

he flipped the page so he had a clean sheet of paper

wow so aggressive :(

sorry :(

you not going to the meeting?

no carol said she wanted me to stay back

yeah my dad said the same

want to come over?

im good thanks

please :( i want to see you

youre looking at me

but i want you here so ican be close to you

i dont feel like it

why have you been so cold today

since earlier when my dad got into the fight

you seemed upset with me

have i done something?

no

if you want to see someone go talk to enid

is that why youre mad?

you saw us in the woods

i saw you but im not mad

nothing happened with us

i promise :(

you seemed to like her

nothing happened!

ok whatever you say

i swear i dont like her

well you look at her how you used t look at me

that's just my face

im sorry :(

i held back a laugh because i couldn't break being mad in front of him

so your face is naturally looking at everyone like that?

like what?

like youre in love with them

i dont love her i swear

shes cool

but shes not my type

i like someone else

ok so if you want to talk to someone go to her

i watched as carl put the pad down and stormed over ot his bed where he laid down, staring at the ceiling. he looked angry.

i felt like i should apologise but why should i have to? he was the one to kiss me and make me fall in love with him even more than i already had from just knowing him. but now he was the one running off in the woods with my best friend.

enid knocked on my door and showed herself 'hey.'

i didn't respond 'tay, what's wrong?'

' i know you saw me and carl earlier. is that what's got you so upset, because ever since we came back, you've been kind of cold to both of us.'

i sat up, staring at her with a what the fuck expression 'why?'

'why what?'

'why would you go do that? you act all...in love with him. he acts like he's in love with you.' i lay back down, trying to held back tears in both my eyes and voice, i couldn't crack in front of her.

she shook her head, sitting on the old fashioned, white vanity in the corner of the room. 'i don't think he likes me?'

'you like him though don't you?'

'yeah.' she shrugged 'i guess. why do you care so much?'

'i sat up, giving her the look again 'think about. carl. what was prison boys name? carl. i knew him before he showed up. can you put the pieces together yet?'

her face dropped 'oh my god i didn't realise he was that carl, i'm so sorry.'

'no need.' i looked down at my foot shuffling on the wooden floor 'i hope you two hare happy once you finally get together.'

'taylor-'

'no,' i cut her off 'it's fine. can you just leave me alone for a bit?'

she left me alone in my room for the night. carol came back an hour later to find me curled up to a pillow, crying into it. i told her everything and she just pulled me into a hug, telling me it would all be okay soon.