It was exactly 1:23am. I was crying. It wasn't any ordinary cry, it was a long rough nose stinging, chest hurting cry. I couldn't stop. Every time I tried I'd stop breathing and then the breathing would turn into a panic attack. I was trying to keep quite as my mom was sleeping across the hall and my brother in the bedroom next to me and then dad on the couch deep sleeping, I only lived in a medium sized house, one floor.
My name was Eleanor. I am 15 in eleventh grade because I'm pretty smart for my age andI got to go up a grade. Don't let my good grades fool you though. I was a ordinary girl yea, But I was a broken, lost if I should say, girl. I pretty much hade a dead beat dad, Luca the third. Forced to be married to my mother, margherita. (It means daisy in English which is what her American friends would call her) My brothers name was Luca the fourth. (named after our father) I lived in a classic Italian home, full blooded Italian parents. You probably figured out how they are forced to be married.
My father is a mafia leader with a long line of mafia leaders before him.
"Piccola?" My mom said opening the door. I quickly cleaned up my tears and acted as if I was ok and just reading a book.
"Hey you ok I heard crying from my room" she said sitting down looking concerned at me making my bed tilt towards her side she was sitting on. I felt chills going down my spine and my nose starting to sting again feeling tears build up in my eyes.
"Yes. I'm ok mama." I said with my voice cracking. Then all of a sudden I starts breaking into tears realizing that I couldn't hold it in anymore.
"Hey hey your ok. Mio piccola." She said as she started making shushing noises with her mouth.
"I just can't do it anymore mama! I'm done with this family, the rules just everything! I'm already dealing with life as a teenager and a crashing mental health, but then being a daughter of a mafia father! No fair! No fair!" I said screaming but also crying as hard as before.
"I know. I know it's not fair, it's not fair for both us." She says softly with her chin on the top of my head. She kisses my forehead and tucks me in. "Remember I love you Eleanor."
"I love you to mama." I say watching her slowly leave the room shutting the door behind her so light, But I still couldn't shake the fact that I felt this way. Again I felt...alone.
