A Confusing Love that Causes Pain
As the cold breeze touched my skin, causing my wavy hair to sway, I sit closely to the window. I think harder, probe deeper but the only question that sink on my mind is, “Does true LOVE really exist?”
I started reading romance novel when I was seven years old. I know it’s ridiculous that at my young age and innocent mind I really wanted to know what the meaning of love is but whether you believe it or not I never been into relationship.
Once upon a time, destiny played a trick on me. I’ve met a guy and he really caught my attention. He’s not so handsome but there is uniqueness on his smile. One day, I found myself asking God that if I cannot be his girlfriend, maybe we can be friends. Few months later, we became good friends. I’m so thankful that God granted my prayer and I’m contented even though were just friends- no more, no less.
When I reached the age of 14 (2010) he confessed that he loves me, he was three years older than me. At that moment, I was stunned, I was so confused. I asked myself “What will I chose? Love or friendship? Do I have feelings for him?” My heart and mind is fighting for the answer. My friends keep on telling me that follow your heart but I disagree. So I refused to accept his love because I want to keep our friendship, I’m still young and my priority in life is to finish my study.
Last September, I found out that he has already a girlfriend. I felt cheated and betrayed but I know it’s wrong to feel that way because were not committed to each other- except for being friends so I don’t have the authority to demand. Many times he tried to talk to me but I disregarded him. I don’t want to hear his explanations; perhaps I’m just afraid to know the truth.
'The breeze became colder. It reached the inner part of my soul. I feel empty. I’ve lost the man whom I trusted. I’ve lost my friend. I blame myself for losing him because pride rules my heart. I’m regretting for what I’ve done in the past but it’s too late. He left Bayawan to pursue his study in Manila. If I can just turn back the time. If I just listened to him. It will never happen.
Maybe true love really exists. Maybe it happens in right place but in a wrong time (vice versa). In other cases, he already gives up when you realized that you love him. Love come and goes without warning. And if you want to ask me if he still has a place in my heart, definitely the answer is YES! He’s still has and he is my inspiration to write romance novel, but the painful fact is- he is just a part of my life in the past. I already closed the chapter of my life where he is included.
