I LIKE DEFTONES

BIGGEST DEFTONES FAN.

its like its people's job to make other feel bad. i dont like school much, every school i transfer to people hate me i dont know why. people need to normalize that social anxiety is a real thing and im not jus "shy". i act like this for a reason prolly cuz i already know how some people are. maybe if u guys were a bit nicer id be more comfortable and more active. ive had social anxiety issues since like 3rd grade bcuz less and less people would talk to me so i got used to it, but now its going to be even more harder bcuz when ur quiet, people won't just leave u alone like they did in 3rd grade. ofc they have to choose the people who mind their business and are very quiet. if people really knew how my real personality actually was i think theyd kinda like me they jus might find my humor weird. every time i do someone thing normal in public i feel like everyone stares at me and is judging me. my family tried telling me to just ignore those thoughts but it's not as easy as they think. in 5th grade id have thoughts of being dead or maybe jus dissapear and go somewhere safe. i try telling my mom its best to just homeschool me, she knows the kids hate me but she doesn't know what goes on in my head, and that i cry in the bathroom very quietly when no one's around. sometimes i jus wish that like everyone could jus go away, it makes me feel very bad why cant people jus be nice, ive been nothing but nice to everyone and they jus feel like they should be mean all of a sudden. if people knew how much it affected me when they make fun of me theyd prolly keep doing it. its like their job is to jus make people feel bad and stressed. yea maybe u dont like the way i look or act or how awkward i am but ive been nothing but quiet. I know u think im mean when i look away while ur talking to me but u took it the wrong way, i cant make eye contact, i cant talk without stuttering, i look very awkward when i stand. u dont know if its already bad for someone at home. sometimes i dont know if I wanna be home or be at school dealing with the things they say being the only thing i can think about for months. i wonder if its true how they see me. i never wanted people to see me how i see myself