Stay (xiao x reader || ONESHOT)

The End

As we both sat on the grass atop a hill, our eyes fixed on the enchanting display of lanterns and fireworks illuminating the night sky, I could feel her gentle touch as she held my hand, placing it on her lap and caressing it with her fingers, providing a a small comforting massage. The warmth of her touch sent tingles through my body, but I resisted the urge to act on those feelings, recognizing that this moment was not the appropriate time or place. I continued to gaze at the radiant lanterns and dazzling fireworks above, while my other hand remained behind me, keeping my back up and straight. I sometimes would, subtly, steal glances at her by my side. Before I could indulge further into the comfortable silence, her soft voice suddenly reached my ears, uttering those three powerful words, "I love you."

I shifted my focus to her, her gazing at me with a small smile, as though she's afraid that I might vanish before her eyes. She then redirected her gaze and continued to fiddle with my hand, whispering, "Whenever you're scared, or if you ever feel scared, I'll hold your hand. I won't judge anything, I love you, just as you are. So right now, you can allow yourself to feel everything. I'll be here, listening. Even if it's only for a little while, I'm here with you."

In that moment, everything seemed to fade away—the bright lanterns lost their brilliance, the booming fireworks became distant echoes. Her words almost sounding like a farewell, my chest tightened with an inexplicable pain. Unable to think of anything else, I blurted out, "Why are you speaking like this?" I withdrew my hand from hers, halting her gentle caress, and gripped her hand instead. Moving closer to her, I gently pulled her face to my view, tilted it, and moved forward. With my other hand, I cupped her cheek, and kissed her softly—tender and intense, a mixture of sweetness and longing. I didn't want to let go, but in that moment, we both needed to breathe. I pulled away from the kiss and wrapped my arms around her, embracing her tightly, while resting my forehead on her shoulder, shielding my pained expression from her view.

"Do you remember when we first met?" I whispered, my voice filled with emotion. "I used to frequently use that place as a retreat, seeking solace, and a sense of peace. So when... when I discovered you there, I felt a little annoyed, thinking I would have to find a new place. But instead, instead of just a place, I found you. You became the person with whom I could share my pain and struggles, the one who helped me realize my own self-worth.You.. who stayed. You didn't fix everything that was broken, I didn't need you to anyways. What mattered most was that you were willing to stay with me, for so long. And even now, you're still here. I love you, I love you so much, so why are you saying those things to me like that?" By this point, I was a mess, my tears staining her shirt. "Why?" I muttered, no longer able to contain my emotions as the tears flowed freely.

Instead of answering, she gently patted my back, her now holding me tightly in her arms, providing solace without words.

She knew that if she let go, she would never return. She knew that if I let go, she would never find the strength to return. Her fate was getting closer, she knew she would always be gone first. And no one would be able to bring her back.

———
For one last time, I stare at her face, I hold her cold hand, my voice trembling as I spoke, "You've stayed by my side for so long, so please, wake up and allow me to remain by yours."
———

When death seems sweeter than the path ahead, and life becomes a burden to be borne, I dreamed of leaving all your fears and dread, to find relief where your soul can be reborn. Though you have left this world of pain, I still cannot run away from life, even when those sweet words have now become wounds like poison rain, they are at least far from the tongues that lash like knives. I knew that some of your own words had never meant anything for you, yet you still spoke them to me, as you knew that your words can heal as well, aware that your kindness towards others can create a magic spell.

"No matter where I wander, wherever I may roam, your words still remain... It hurts, you were always too selfless," I whisper, my eyes swollen and dry, yet tears continue to ceaselessly stream down my face. Placing a bouquet of flowers and a crystalfly before your resting place, I continued, "I had planned to visit Qingyun Peak on my birthday... to see a swirling sea of clouds would've made for a beautiful sight to admire with you. I had hoped our journey together would forge countless memories," I offered a faint smile, my voice faltering amidst choked sobs, "but now, all I can do is relive our memories in my mind, over and over again."

Those memories, each one intertwining with the pain in my heart. I remember the nights we spent under the stars, the battles we fought side by side, and the moments of solace we shared. Amidst it all, my biggest fear that lingered like a haunting shadow— was the day that she would see me through my own eyes, a broken soul with flaws and insecurities. I fear that when the mask I wear to hide my vulnerabilities, would crumble before her, exposing the shattered pieces of my being. Yet, as It did, I realized too late that you loved me despite it all. In your eyes, I was more than the sum of my doubts and fears. But now, without you, I fear that I will revert to the person I once believed I was—broken, unworthy, and lost. Your absence amplified my insecurities, I struggle to find the strength to carry on without you, even thinking about it is already a struggle. But I promise, I promise to honor you by fighting against these self-destructive thoughts, and embracing the love you had given to me. Though the path ahead may be daunting, you will always stay in my memories, for that will guide me through my darkest moments.

THE END