PENUMBRA // Tamaki Amajiki x Reader Royal AU

Chapter 22

Another few days went by where I did not try to get him to eat, simply enjoying the sunlight. We spent our time outside mostly on the same bench but sometimes trailing around the hidden area which I permanently hid away since Tamaki insisted no one ever came outside.

We spoke less of important matters, such things which would give me more insight on him like his history or personal beliefs, more-so speaking of trivial things like how nice the garden was and how the kingdom was doing. I got him to open up about some books he had read but nothing I myself had heard of, it seemed he did not remember well though as it had been some years since he had held a book.

Eventually he asked about my life a couple times to which I responded with a definite 'no' but on the third time when refused he got scared and said he was sorry for asking. For once the pathetic character of his did not annoy me and he actually made me giggle - very quietly though and I would never let him know - so I decided I would throw him a bone, maybe if I opened up myself he would reciprocate that behaviour. There was no need to tell the truth but there was a part of me that felt obliged to, it was not like he could do anything with the information.

I told the prince of the time when I was around seven and I was in my first illusion class, it seemed a fitting story for our situation. He had little to say until I told him that actually I was not aware I could create illusions, no one had informed me this was a skill sorceresses possessed so even though I was naturally brilliant at it from the start, it still amazed me that I did that. Then I confessed that no one else knew that and, although I knew this would never happen, I threatened him not to tell anyone because if he did he already knew what my power could do.

Tamaki did not give me anything but I was hopeful that this had improved our relationship.

The next day I headed to the tower expecting to spent it like the past three. When I arrived we fell into the routine we developed, I took him down to the garden and we strolled for little while before making our way to the bench. Sitting down, we made small talk before there was a heavy silence and the mood seemed to shift.

"C-can I... tell you something?" Tamaki stared at trouser leg he was picking at, this was the first time he looked down during our time outside, usually he was constantly gazing at the sky. I frowned, "Of course, what is the matter?" Refraining from adding some self-satisfying joke.

"I-it's a long story... about when I... got this... defect, you call it?" Oh. That was a larger stride than I had expected us to make yet, but I feared saying something that would scare him off so I nodded gently, egging him on.

He sighed like this was going to be a hard job, "Before that happened I had 'royal duties' which meant I had to befriend other princes and princesses... back then I didn't really understand how important it was but... if we didn't get along, our kingdoms could've gone to war.

"Most children were all the same and I played with them to... make the king happy, to be honest it wasn't very fun. There was this one prince though, Prince Togata of the kingdom of France, most other kids called him Mirio but we had special nicknames for each other and I got to call him Lemillion, because he was always dreaming about a kingdom he would build from the ground up and a million citizens would live there. Mirio was very special to me." There was no doubt about it, Tamaki was smiling.

"He called me Suneater, because I was always telling him he was like the sun with all his dreams and cheerful attitude but for some reason he thought I was better than him. I don't know what he saw in me but he told me I was so amazing I could eat the sun and dubbed me Suneater. We had our own knighting ceremony out here, by this very bench, we were knighted king Lemillion and king Suneater. When he built his kingdom I was going to join him as king, he needed me to make it even more amazing and we would rule together."

"For four years we spent hours playing together in these gardens, that was the best because we got to be alone, when us playing together didn't have any political connotations and we could just be. We grew extremely close and eventually we were more than friends, although we were young we knew what we shared was greater than we could understand. One day, we were sneaking around the castle, our adventure made it into the courtroom..."

"Someone walked in so we hid behind the throne side-by-side until they left, while we waited he gave me this weird looking snack, there was this green paste in a shell. I put it in my mouth and it was the most disgusting thing I'd ever tasted, Mirio laughed as I spat it out as quietly as I could then when the person was gone he told me that was a snail and it was regarded as a delicacy in France. Some of it must've gone down my throat though..."

"I remember the feeling of his bony shoulder as I lightly shover it, that was the last time I ever touched him." Tamaki took a deep gulp of air, the kind you took after crying hysterically but he was not sobbing and I could not see if he there were tears, "we stopped for a moment before he started to lean in and I seized up and suddenly my arm turned into a snail's tail and it reached out and wrapped itself around Mirio's neck, holding him in the air until he.... He couldn't breathe anymore... and only then did the arm go away and... h-his lifeless body fell on the floor in front of me."

Tamaki was sobbing now, I too had welled up eyes. Before I could make any move to comfort him, he had more to say, "I just stayed like that... I didn't do anything. I didn't go get help. I didn't scream. I just sat there and cried, not even looking at him. Them my the court entered the room and found me in that situation, the king told me the exact same thing I was thinking, 'you should have died with your mother'. I've known that was true ever since that day."

A single tear fell down my face, I was glad he was faced away from me because there was no way I could let him see me like that. I never cried for anyone, if I did it was for myself when I was alone, empathy was to understand people, not to weep for them. I was beginning to let myself go more and more around Tamaki and I needed to get ahold of myself.

The prince did not say anymore for a while and continued to sob, I thought it best to softly rub his back in comfort and gratitude; I did not think that he had ever regurgitated this memory to anyone until now, it seemed like he needed to cry, maybe it would help him move forward. Indeed I was very grateful for him confessing this, I now knew the root cause of a lot of his problems and it would allow me to help him much more.

His sobs started to dwindle, "Y/N, I-I... I feel like... hurting myself, but I know I shouldn't... so please, can you... tie me up so I don't... I deserve it anyway." I got down on the ground before him so I could hold his gaze, putting my hands on top of his to hold them down, "No, rendering you helpless will not accomplish anything, you need to fight these urges yourself. Think about the time... Mirio was alive, you're allowed to be hurt, you basically lost your brother, but you can not let that one moment consume you."

"We weren't... like brothers."

"Oh," I did not understand what their relationship was like then but I suppose I had to be there. I had no idea what I was doing but it seemed to help so I kept going, "Distracting yourself will help and I can help you with that... how about another story, would you like to hear one?"

Tamaki gave a small, sad nod and I distracted him with more magnificent, intriguing tales, describing great triumphs over baby dragons and senior sorceresses, the most we had the option to battle with before our graduation. He appeared to be interested and gazed at me with greater intent than I planned, seeming to forget about his worried, his hands did not even twitch once under my own.