Reality

Depression

Depression is probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to explain to someone. It's one of those things, if you don't have it, you'll never truly understand, but I'm going to do my best to explain it.

Everyone has felt sad at one point or another, I think we can all agree on that. Depression isn't just your every day sadness. When you have depression, it's like taking your every day sadness, multiply it by 50, and make it permanent. It doesn't go away. Anything will upset you and make you feel worse or even angry. Enraged. Things that used to make you happy don't anymore. Things that used to motivate you to do well seem lost. You don't want to do anything productive. All the time you either want to sleep or cry. Sometimes it gets so bad you want to hurt yourself because the emotional pain is so strong you hope to dull it or distract yourself with physical pain. You often feel you deserve the pain. You do it so often that it becomes an addiction. You NEED to feel the pain. You crave it. It becomes a daily thing for you... It doesn't dull your emotions as much as it used too. You begin to think scarier, more violent thoughts. Your self-esteem drops lower. All you can think about is how worthless and unwanted you feel. The feeling of loneliness consumes you. People you care about and were close to seem to be drifting away. You talk to them less and less.. You can't quite focus. The feelings become so strong you begin to think the only way out is death. You start thinking of ways to do it. Figuring out which method of ending best suites you and what you're willing to do. You set a date. You end up becoming a distraction to yourself, even more self conscious than before. You won't reach for the dish on the higher shelf because your sleeve might fall and reveal the cuts, scratches and burns. You're stuck wearing jeans and long-sleeved shirts all throughout the year in effort to hide the self-inflicted wounds. All you want is for it to be over, but you can't stop the feeling. The feeling of loneliness, extreme sadness, wanting to die..it all takes over your mind and body as if you've lost all control. You feel as if your last resort is to end.

This is an extreme case of depression. It's what I and many people I am now very close to experienced or are currently going through. It's scary trying to come out about it and talk to someone. It's not an easy thing to do. But I encourage those who are going through this to talk to someone. Hell, if you feel like you can't talk to someone around you, talk to me. If you want to send me a 2000 word email of you venting feel free. If you don't even want me to respond just let me know and I won't. But I know 100% what it's like to feel alone in this, but you're not. It can get better if you reach out. You just need to take that first step.

I'm going to give you one of my many emails, but this one was created for the sole purpose of what was mention above. katertot217244@gmail.com

Feel free to email me.