See Me✔️

Mason (29)

"terrified again of not loving
of loving and not you
of being loved and not by you"

Evelyn and Violet has been coming over during the week to check up on me, along with coleson.

I still haven't been to school, but I have been doing school online and it still counts.

My mom let me do homeschool for the rest of junior year but senior year I'll have to go in.

I hope by then I'll be in a better place, Lana hasn't really been around much.

The girls said she's been acting kind of weird at school, she never shows up to lunch with them anymore.

Mason hasn't talked to me, I'm guessing we're not together anymore either.

It hurts because he didn't even say anything to me or talked to me since the day I tried to kill myself.

I thought he loved me, or at least liked me but I guess I was wrong.

Noah and Blake haven't really talked to me either which I'm guessing it's out of respect for Mason.

I understand since they were friends with him first.

Today is the first day of April, the sun is shining. The clouds around my head fading away little by little.

Is it wrong of me to miss Mason, i feel like I have no right since I ruined us.

Instead of laying on my bed, which it feels like I've been living in my bedroom but I've gone out like with Evelyn and violet or to see Mr. James.

I get up from my bed and stretch my legs and my body.

I play my Taylor swift playlist, last kiss comes on.

It reminds me of Mason and I, which is kind of funny because we never even had our first kiss together.

We weren't even something and I ruined it before it got the chance to be something.

Today I have an appointment with Mr. James.

I get ready and head out once I washed and brushed my hair, face and teeth and changed into a new set of hoodie.

I've been going without my mom, I feel comfortable enough now.

Once I get there, I check in and sit down, wait for them to call me in.

My earphones are plugged in and Taylor swift is playing.

Ten minutes later and the nurse is calling me in.

I don't pause my music until I'm in the room with him.

When we go in, we do our regular check in on the scale.

Afterwards we sit down, me on his leather black couch and him on a one person chair couch looking thing.

"How are you today?" He asks.