Reviewer: imogenogucci01.
Author: DHBurnside.
𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: 𝟏𝟎/𝟏𝟎
The title is brilliant and unique it also hints the genre of the book.
𝐂𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫:𝟔/𝟏𝟎
Although the cover graphics are beautiful, the cover art blends into the background too much making it hard to read.
𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧:4/𝟓Well done. It doesn't give away too much however it is a bit too vague and could use more strong verbs and adjectives.
𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫, 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐫 𝐯𝐨𝐜𝐚𝐛𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝟐/𝟓
There were a lot of Grammer mistakes they impaired the meaning of a lot of statements. You used a lot of terms that weren't best suited for the context creating a lot of ambiguity.
𝐏𝐚𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠:𝟑/𝟏𝟎Everything is happening too fast. You are telling us way to much I stead of showing us. Especially in the school and home transitions. It seems too bland, spice things up more it is always 'I woke up today, I didn't feel like breakfast so I just went to school, school was fun but I hated art class cause I had to see Fin, fin didn't like me. Today class wasn't so bad' it sounds like a 10 year old's diary entry. Try describing what is happening for example 'I ran down the stairs trying my best to tie my hair up and frankly speaking, I was failing miserably, I didn't have an appetite but knowing my mom, she would have a seizure if I said I wasn't hungry, I sloppily put some toast on a paper bag and ran out the door but not before petting my dog Bella'. If you write like this, not only do you give your our main character a personality but you also make the supporting characters seem human there slowing down the pace of the book and making it so that when bad things happen to the MC, your readers can sympathize with her.
𝐏𝐥𝐨𝐭: 𝟗/𝟏𝟎
You have a beautiful plot, I choose to believe that the plot holes exist because we are only in the third chapter.
𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐩𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭: 𝟒/𝟏𝟎Your characters especially your MC is too robotic. As I mentioned before, this is due to your pacing and writing style. You need to spice up your writing to create more 3D characters that your audience can relate to.
𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐞: 𝟒/𝟏𝟎Your writing style suits that of a teen fiction novel, which in a general sense could work but not for you. Your writing style makes it seem like you MC is ten or thirteen as opposed to being a high schooler.
𝐓𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧: 𝟓/𝟏𝟎There was tension but it was poorly executed. By tension I mean those moments that keep you reader hooked and you in fact had that at the part where she got bittten by the fish but you failed to make your reader feel panic. If you need more help you could private message me, I'll be glad to elaborate.
𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭: 𝟔/𝟏𝟎Your book has so much potential, if you fix these few things we would have an amazing story.
Thank You!
Review Posted: 6/16/23
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