not a big deal~carl grimes

<thirty-three>

it had been 2 years since we left alexandria. it was carls birthday, he was finally going to be 18. i woke up beside him 'good morning my love.' i kissed his cheek 'happy birthday.'

he smiled 'thank you.'

he attempted to get up but i pushed him back down 'no. i' going to go to the kitchen and make you something nice to eat. meanwhile you stay in bed. i'll call you when it's ready.' i kissed him before getting up to go downstairs to the kitchen.

i collected everything i needed to make pancakes but without anything that could have gone off. i found a recipe that had substitutes for flour, milk, and butter. the sugar i found in a store and the eggs were found in a neighbour chicken coop i saw in the next yard. they were all still alive somehow and the eggs were fresh.

i spent the next hour making the pancakes and topped it with blueberries i also found in the neighbours garden. they had nearly everything.

as i set out two plates loaded with pancakes and topped with fruit, i ran upstairs and knocked on the bedroom door 'hey carl, there's food for you downstairs.'

'i'll be down soon. i just need to do something.' he called through the door as i went back downstairs. i made a cup of coffee from ground coffee i found in the cupboard and water i boiled outside to make it hot.

i had about 2 cups before carl managed to come down. i took the last sip as i heard his footsteps creep down to me. i couldn't see him come down he stairs due to the layout of the house. but i did see him as he rounded the corner to approach the kitchen island i was stood at.

when i laid eyes on him, my jaw dropped 'carl. oh my god. your hair.'

'it's not a big deal.' he shrugged.

it was now short, back up to his ears. it still had a side parting but i could see the bandage around his eye more clearly now. i could also see the gauze wrapped around his head from the back.

i held his face in my hands, pulling him closer to kiss him. 'what do you mean? of course it's a big deal. you loved your hair.'

'i know, but i wanted something new. do you like it?' he looked, down, almost scared of what i would say.

'i love it.' i kissed his cheek. 'and i no longer get your loss ass bangs in my mouth when i want to kiss your cheek.' i joked.

he laughed 'good. your opinion is the only one i care about. partly because you're the only other one here. but mostly because i love you so much.' he lifted me twirling around.

i giggled as he set me down, 'go eat. your pancakes are going to be cold now.'

he took a bit as he sat down 'you know, for something that has a lot of substitutes in it, these are so good.'

'glad you like them.' i took a blueberry off the top of my less piled plate 'so what made you cut your hair?'

he sighed, putting his knife and fork down 'i guess, now i'm 18, i'm legally an adult. so this time it's really new year new me so i guess i want to let go of what I've lost and restart that part of my life. so if forgetting what I've lost includes my mom, then i cut my hair. i only grew it out because she used to cut it anyways. i didn't want anyone else doing that otherwise it would feel like replacing her.'

i got up, hugging him from behind 'i'm so proud of you. but just so you know, you didn't have to let go. she was your mo, that's not something a lot of people let go of.'

'i know but i wanted to.' he smiled as i leaned down to kiss him.

as we got into bed later that night, i ran my fingers through carls hair. it was soft, and thick, and it felt really nice 'i love the haircut by the way.'

he laughed, pulling me into his chest 'you said earlier.'

i flipped myself over to straddle his lap, making him sit up too. 'you know, you never take the bandage off in front of me.'

'because i'm scared you'll think i'm a monster. we went through this when we got back together.' he said, grabbing my his as he laid back down.

as i moved my hips slightly, making him squirm under me, i responded with 'yeah, but i told you that you're not. i've seen it looking worse anyway. i was there when t happened, remember.'

he sighed, building up the courage to show me what was under the bandage i never saw under. my eyes widened as i saw what he had been covering. it was surrounded by scarring. i could always see it peeking out from under the patch, but i never thought it to be this bad. there was a hole where his eye should have been, not eye lid or anything.

'does it ever hurt?'i asked.

he shook his head 'no.'

'can you cry out of i still?'

he shook his head 'no.'

'why do you cover it?' was my final question.

he shrugged 'i don't like it. besides it wouldn't help much with first impressions. a guy with a messed up face wouldn't make a great first impression.' he chuckled as if what he said was funny.

i held his face, making him look me in the eyes 'you're perfect. and your face isn't messed up. it's a reminder that you're strong enough to survive getting shot in the head. that's impressive.'

i began unwrapping the bandage and he didn't stop me so i took that as him letting me. i peeled the bandage off half of his face, showing me a scarred over space in his eye socket. i stroked the scaring skin underneath it with my thumb as i rested my hand on the side of his head, next to his ear. he kissed my hand and lifted me up. my legs wrapped around his waist as he carried me back upstairs where we stayed in bed for the rest of the day, not bothered about getting up.