When You Reject Me

Pain Will Rain

When you love someone and you grow attached to them, it's hard to let go. When you love someone and you try to run away, but they keep following, you break and crumble. When you love someone but you can't love them anymore, everything shatters. When you see that loved one with someone else that's not you; they look so happy, but with you, they look miserable. Pain will rain. What is this insufferable detrimental pain? Soaked, drenched; every part of you is in pain.

Pain. I know what it is. Nobody can tell me I don't. Yet, I will not lose myself. The pain I feel, the pain I've felt, will not be the killer of my murder. This pain will not bear its fangs in my skin any longer. I shall not drown, not today, at least.

There a young girl placed simply, scribbling away at her notebook. She wrote her feelings, thoughts, and entire heart. She was deep into her compromise of words to even generate awareness in her teary eyes. She is a victim of sadness. Though she is doused in self-loathing, she desires every second of her day to just be 'normal.' They're multiple ways to portray her, that's what her peers enunciate. Yet, she cannot trust the truth.

Nev, a note-worthy individual, makes a bundle of beings turn their heads to glimpse at her. Nev's cover, the book you haven't read, but you just know the ending; that's what you could consider her. Though Nev is more than a cover, she is more than a smiley complexion and a companion. Nev is from a problematic lineage. Fortunately, Nev's strategy of coping is journalism.

Nev's Journey Entry:

I wish I was invisible to my family, though, only partly. It's not that I don't want to be seen, but more, I desire that I'm seen for my personality and my smile, not how I do in school or if I do sports. I want them to be happy if I had a good day, not if I have a good grade. Everything visible overshadows what's important. The importance of me is locked away and told to not be seen. I'm not allowed to shed my tears or say 'Today's not great.' I feel like their little packet in a factory, constantly being sent back to fix any broken parts until I'm perfect and new; shipped away again and lonely. If I'm with someone that is viewed wrongly in their eyes; fight, yell, break. Even if I am perfect in my academics, even if I make it into college, even if I made varsity in sports; still every night you'll see me curled up wishing that I was seen for who I am. Every night, I'll wish upon a star that I wish I was someone else. I wish everything my parents don't like was invisible, so I don't have to be sent back again. I feel like the only attention I get from my parents is negative and never a positive lecture about how I am awesome and that they love me. If I am seen so negatively, I would rather be invisible than listen to the voices of hatred. I don't want their eyes on me nor do I want my name in their mouths. I am my person, not just a doll on the shelf. One day, I'll learn how to say that.

This journal entry is an indication of Nev's connection with her parents. Nev barely had a childhood due to her family consistently squabbling with each other. On top of that, her mother's house hopped for a while, which would put her and her brothers in destructive crises. The aftermath of each traumatic situation caused numerous issues for Nev. Eventually, Nev began to detect these matters.

A teenager perched herself on an old wooden chair. She was quietly listening to music and listing her new and improved ideas! Her room was engulfed in the dark, a mere light shined through, enough to compose a pristine entry. She slowly wrote her name, the pencil trailing, perfectly written letters, it said: Nev. She shifted her attention toward her phone. As she went to clutch her phone, it illuminated, bringing light to her once gloomy bedroom.

"Damn, that's bright," Nev voiced, shutting her eyes momentarily. Nev has ebony thin hair that goes scarcely past her shoulders. She used a powerful weapon called bangs, which her bangs shrouded the insecurity of her, that broad forehead. Nev is normally pale, but even paler when she doesn't proceed outdoors. Currently, she is sorrowing from a 'never going outside disease.' Once school is over, there is a grand probability she will not voluntarily go outside. This is highly deplorable for her because then her family harvests on her for being the whitest child. She has chubby cheeks that seem to never go away, accompanying her cheeks was her natural vivid pink blush and spontaneous freckles. During the summer, her pink cheeks and freckles get more visible, she hopes that nobody pulls the 'OMG SHES BLUSHING! She likes youuuu!' Nev finds that very bothersome, heretofore, she does the identical thing to her friends. Another piece to the puzzle, is her nose, when Nev was youthful, she despised it, but now it's different. Nev's nose is wide from the front, though, it isn't big. When Nev turns to the side, her nose turns up, she believes it's really cute. Nev has brown eyes; they're usually paired with eyeliner and some variety of eyeshadow, typically black. Nev has small pink lips, they're delicate to the touch and overall develop a pleasant and welcoming look. Nev smiles a lot, she carries a loud luxurious persona that innumerable people told to be influenced by her.

Nev's eyes got used to the luminous screen of her phone, she had obtained messages from Kylo. Kylo is a friend of Nev. Also ex. She attempts to dismiss their previous relationship. Nev withholds plenty of love for Kylo. She spewed her heart out, not knowing much of love. Yet, he ended up taking her love for granted. Nev still cares for him deeply, but she has a heartache when she recalls the disputes they had. Nev understands she isn't a sweetheart, she isn't a victim, but she acknowledges that Kylo and she aren't the best match.

Lolo :): Hey, wyd rn?

Nevie ❤️: Hi Kylo, and just doing my daily routine. I've been feeling awfully sad, lately. What are you up to?

Lolo :): Im sorry, Nev. Want a hug tomorrow?? Oh, also I'm just watching tv and hanging out with my cousin.

Nevie ❤️: Tell them I said hi! Dude, I don't want to go to school tomorrow, I might die if I do.

Lolo :): Please don't stay home. You'll leave me all alone :(

Nevie ❤️: You need more friends.

Lolo :): HEY! That's mean

Nevie ❤️: Alright, I'm going to bed. Goodnight! Do not let the bedbugs bite, okay stinky?

Lolo :): No call? :(

The overwhelming feeling of somnolence crawls over her. She unhurriedly stands up from her desktop and glances everywhere. The full-size bed seated by her desk looks mighty fine. The mattress was wrapped by a hefty purple comforter. At the end of the bed, three puny blankets were unraveled and lumped up from the previous night. Nev had her favorite stuffed animal that was an essential ingredient to the recipes for a peaceful slumber. This toy cat was more than a kid plaything, her father purchased it for her. Nev's father is out of town and she doesn't know when she'll catch a glimpse of him next. She misses him. She ultimately arrives at her sleeping chamber, the most securest spot on earth. Nev utilized the remainder of her fuel to hurl herself on the bed. She reached to the end of the bed to snatch the little blankets. They were a significant component of her agenda. She surprisingly wrapped herself into a blanket burrito. Though, she assumably doesn't taste adequate. Nev slowly but surely fell into a deep slumber, but let's hope she gets sufficient rest to get through the chaos the future has for her.

Hi! I didn't take a lot of time on this and I apologize. I am a overly critical writer and I would take 10x longer if I tried to achieve perfection. Just to bring clarification, I'm a adolescent. I am currently learning the properties of English. I would love to prove my extremely descriptive writing abilities, but I feel like I would forget all my ideas or they'll get too crazy if I ponder any longer. I can promise you, there will be several adaptations. Thank you for reading! :3