My Archaic Fate I Preview (Revised Draft)

Preview

Know what? It's funny...I think I'd be really good at acting. Considering I've done nothing but act all my miserable and exhausting life.

I've told myself that for as long as I can remember. I don't think it's been out of my mind since that day I made the funniest mistake anyone has ever made. Not that it was absolutely horrible, or insanely idiotic, or...anything. It just strikes me as a hilarious punch that echoes throughout my soul; the depressing twists and the cruel turns my life can only take. All because of that one really dumb choice I caged myself with at thirteen. The one I cry about, having fallen helplessly on my cold and dusty bedroom floor. Back then...I didn't have enough maturity to think about the one-way depressing future and I can't ever miraculously reverse my sealed-off entrance now.

What a sad fool I was...a horrendous actor, too.

No matter how many uncolored days I stare at the gray ceiling on top of my torn, disheveled mattress, that soon to be lust filled choice doesn't change. It has led to tissue-filled months where I hope the sleepless nights, the punched through rugged and white walls, the endlessly repeated name and the hauntingly beautiful face that never goes away will magically disappear. The countless teardrops that covered my soaked, smooth gray oak bathroom floor awakens the fact it doesn't...and I...?

I wish...I wish I didn't know it never will.

My dwindling friendships, my too few hobbies, my fractured sense of self...All of them became not further broken, rather entirely obliterated the moment she appeared...just sitting silent, idly there at that wooden classroom desk. How amazing and hilarious is that? With just her presence within my fifteen-year-old decaying walls she captivated me. This glittering mermaid drew me in with her melodic siren song. Until, finally, all I had ceased to exist. It was soon replaced by only her.

This hilarious mistake of mine I strangely laugh at. This surely malevolent highway exit I am somehow forced to continuously cry about...it's not even the action itself that's so regrettable. It's what has disastrously happened because of my unknown stupidity. My outrageous recklessness ensued by inevitable calamity. My eighth-grade carelessness and inconceivable lack of forward thought. Even now, in writing this twisted fairytale of an archaic fate, I feel the presence of an unhallowed void. I'm barely holding back my mentally unwell laughter. The overwhelming pipes that erupt with my normal yet choking sobs. I never even had a foreboding clue what I'd get myself into.

Some would maybe playfully joke and, while laughing, call what I have an unknown blessing. Mostly people who are ignorant of the one hundred years' worth of skin scorching and mentally repeating pain. All of which pleasantly comes underneath the "rainbows and sunshine." Everything below the deadly surface of what they delightfully assure me is a beautiful miracle. In unmasked truth, that leprechaun who owns that colorful rainbow, that fabled miracle, was no more than a sadistic warden. He relished in his psych ward while cleverly he tortured the mentally condemned. Viciously, until they only barely clung a trapping inch from death.

Perhaps then, this is all the work of the devil himself...

Truthfully, there's obviously just one destructive blemish, one slight miscalculation in the entirety of their whimsically presumed equation...