Loki of Vanaheim (Part 3)

Family (SIGYN)

Soft skin. Wisps of hair. A sugary scent that was clean, musky, and of me. Quiet peace and a flood of every emotion my mind could supply. Abject joy. Exhaustion. Fear. Love. So much love. When they left me, I registered a strange, warm slick upon my belly before Grid wrapped them and gave them to Loki. As long as I lived, I would never forget exactly how they felt that very first time.

I sent Loki outside with the babies at first so I could gather my wits and refocus; with my body torn apart from all angles, I worried I would shake and drop them. But when he returned, I yearned to have them in my arms with a pull unlike any hunger I'd ever felt. He reluctantly obliged, just as attached as I could ever hope he would be.

Instantly, I knew their souls. Their wrinkled hands grasped tightly to one finger each. They knew me, too, by the way they refused to let go. My sons. My children. All the possibilities of Yggdrasil, wrapped in the remnants of my husband's surrogate embrace.

Vali clenched his eyes shut and mewed loudly, showing off his pink gums. Active. Dark in hair with pale skin; he took after Loki, no question. He would be tall, slender, beautiful. His hands barely matched his body and were larger than I thought they should be—not abnormally so, but somewhat like an animal, he would grow into them. He was distinctly more agitated than Narvi.

Oh, Narvi. He yawned a few times, letting out quiet coos, but he otherwise stared straight through me. He saw beyond the surface, surely. His eyes traveled around the tent, taking it all in. I'd always believed small babes were limited in sight—given his knowing expression, I doubted if that was true. Narvi seemed to understand the world a bit already; therefore, he had no need to fuss. He would be like his brother in height and shape, but he had my father's narrow nose and olive complexion. Loki identified them correctly, and I had no doubt that the quiet child in my arms was the same who was quiet in my belly.

"Be sure to feed them," Grid said softly, not wanting to rush me or startle the boys. "Let me hold that one while the other settles." With open arms, she gestured for Narvi.

I wished to keep him, but she was right, and I needed both arms. "Would you like them to call you something special, Grid? An aunt or grandmother, perhaps?"

She peeled Narvi away from me, delicately cradling his head before bringing him over her shoulder to be pat. "We can wait until they make a name of their own. Grid will suffice until then."

"I will remain Uncle Freyr, if it's all the same," Freyr said, nudging Loki's knee while they sat beside each other.

"Of course. Can't very well have my sons calling you Senator." Loki grinned.

I trusted that my body would know what to do, but every time Vali yelled, my stomach twisted in knots—a visceral need to find out what was wrong. "Shh, it's alright. It's alright." I was already leaking the sustenance he needed and hoped he would have some natural sense to help himself.

His connection was immediate. Strong. It felt...odd. Vali's skin was slightly cooler than my own, which helped the shock of it. A day before, I couldn't do this—nursing an infant gave me more power. This tiny thing, one day a man, needed nothing but me to survive. I was built to protect and nurture him in ways I hadn't yet discovered. It made me understand the longing of those who could not have this blessing, as well as the dread of those who were repulsed by it.

I groaned after ten minutes of Vali's suckling, unable to quell the nagging ache inside. "It hurts. My belly. I thought the cramps were over."

Grid shook her head. "Nearly, but give yourself time to rearrange. Tonight you will stay here. Loki may find a cot to be at your side. Freyr and I will help the babes stay quiet while you sleep. From tomorrow forward, if you wish for help, you'll need to ask for it."

I glanced at Vali again, who had his fill and relaxed his closed eyes. Grid and I traded him for Narvi and I repeated the process on my other side—the start of a soon to be well-practiced routine.

***

The moons had risen while we were fixated on balancing the boys amongst the four of us. The children's personalities were already evident, even though Grid insisted they would thoroughly change as time went on. That didn't matter when it came to understanding their first cues.

Narvi still had yet to cry, though he did finally close his startling green eyes to sleep for a few hours. In my arms, he melted, not too unlike Tiwaz on his best days. Whenever I kissed his forehead, he cooed and a flood of warmth filled my belly. He didn't complain about being passed around so I could sleep, which only made us want to fight for the privilege of holding him.

When Vali fussed, it was for two reasons: hunger or Loki. He refused to settle for anyone else for longer than a few minutes, which Loki found charming, thank goodness. He chuckled and walked with the child to soothe him, humming lightly under his breath in a tune I didn't recognize.

"It seems you've grown a barnacle," I said with a smirk.

"I will take this over a child screaming in my presence any day." He paused and rocked from side to side, looking at Vali with soft eyes. His wistful expression was beautiful.

"What are you thinking about?"

Loki sighed through his nose and blinked quickly. "I'm...I'm thinking about what it might be like to see him become a man." He lightly trailed through Vali's black hair and became teary the longer he spoke. "I imagine he'll meet my eyes easily. That he'll recite his decree and sacred vow to protect Yggdrasil. He'll spin in a cape of his own, looking regal and fit for the office of King. He'll...he'll know his father loves him."

I couldn't help but sniffle while I watched them. If Vanaheim had no ritual of armor, would Loki's dream to clothe his sons ever come true the way he thought?

"I love you, little wolf." He pecked Vali's forehead and lay him in the small, curved seat Grid brought. For the first time, Vali didn't immediately protest and demand his father's arms again.

Freyr offered up Narvi in a bundle. "I'm curious what you feel with this one."

"Ah, yes." Loki brought him near, though Narvi did not favor the same cradled position as his brother, so Loki was forced to press him against his chest while crossing his arms, almost as if Loki were embracing his left arm as much as he was the child. "Quiet Narvi. Somehow I doubt, if we were open to his wavelength, that his mind is silent, too. He's new to this skill—time will hone it. Conduction is a strength I feel in him. I wonder if Mother knows him well already." Loki paused for a moment and breathed in Narvi's scent like it would transport him to a different time and place. "The audience will be in awe when he is granted armor. He'll surprise every last soul in Yggdrasil."

I cared little for the thoughts and hearts of anyone beyond our tent, though my heart swelled with pride at the thought of our children, my sons, holding positions of honor. For all that their existence was possible because of my carelessness, I couldn't deny how their arrival felt not a moment too soon.