PENUMBRA // Tamaki Amajiki x Reader Royal AU

Chapter 23

That evening after I left the prince, my mind continued to linger on him, this was not unusual as I spent a lot of my thinking time planning ahead and running through strategies to help him, but that time was different.

My mind did not wander onto ideas or ways to be more accommodating, it stopped on him. Just him. The way his hair casted shadows over his face, highlighting his other features perfectly, how only the tips of his ears peaked out from his hair - it was almost... cute. I spent a while considering how fluffy his hair was and how much I wanted to run my fingers through it. And that was not even the half of it.

No.

I told myself repeatedly. There was no way I could be thinking - feeling - those types of things. Whatever I thought I was feeling had to be wrong, it could not be, I could not afford to fall vulnerable like that. Obviously I was not blind to those sorts of feeling, I was not some sort of dense halfwit who could not sort out her own feelings - I was the most powerful sorceress for goodness sake - but this could not happen.

After dealing with this before, I knew how to bottle up my emotions, this was simply a tiny little slip up and that would be all over soon enough. This insignificant... level of concern I held for Tamaki was most likely due to it being a particularly hot evening, I needed to push it aside and focus on myself, that was what was most important - that was always most important.

With that sorted out, it was time for sleep so I took my place in the sleeping hall and fell asleep relatively easily due to my clear head however my unconscious brain was not so merciful; spending my final few hours of sleep dreaming about the prince. I woke up with a warm face and image on my mind of Tamaki wearing more princely clothing with a puffy dress shirt tucked into tight, black slacks and a golden necklace with a indigo jewel adorned around his neck, matching rings lining his fingers.

Luckily I was a level-headed person and could control my outward self even when I was highly emotional - this was not a highly emotional situation but there had been occurrences - so I still managed my illusionary appearance, it would be a disaster if I did not.

Everything was forgotten and I got on with my day as per usual but my mind slipped just before I was about to take Tamaki out to the gardens. I gave him a single, swift once over and instead of appareling him in his usual 'commoner' outfit, I kept the comfort but covered it with an illusion, dressing him in the outfit from my dream, minus the jewellery which would have been too much.

Inspecting him, I examined my psyche to ensure no feeling rose to the surface, no inappropriate thoughts flooded my mind and there were no physical symptoms. After a brief inspection I deduced that I was okay, and we were okay to move forward now that I was back to controlling myself.

"Umm... I'm not trying to be ungrateful for everything, but what's with the clothes?" Tamaki was glancing between his outfit and I, picking at the hem of his sleeve.

Naturally I lied, no one would ever doubt me, "It is a precautionary measure, just in case we get caught. If someone sees you and thinks you are a pauper who has broken in, that would end pretty gruesomely for you."

This made him visibly grimace and he stayed silent for the next few minutes, I cursed myself for describing it like that, potentially hindering any progress that day.

But I was pleasantly surprised when he stepped forward just as we appeared by the bench, turned away from me Tamaki blurted out, "I wanna do it."

"Do what? Tamaki what is the matter?" Inching closer to him, I dared not place a hand on his shoulder lest he brush it away, a indicator of my overstepping.

"Eat... I'll try to eat." Tamaki swivelled to face me head on and looked me straight in the eyes with a determined expression on his features, "but you can't give me a choice."

"I have already stated, I refuse to force you anymo-

"No, you've got to force me. First thing tomorrow bring food, if I won't eat then make me, you have to or nothing will get better, I won't be able to do anything. I'll just be worthless and a waste of everyone's time," his words trailed into dangerous territory, for a second I felt my blood run cold and my body prepared to escape, but his speech was not out of desperation, Tamaki's voice was laced with sadness and he started to sob, "even if it kills me I deserve it anyway."

Once I would have flinched away but now when he rested his head on my shoulder I leaned into the contact, placing my hand atop his head and using my other to lead the prince to the bench where he continued to cry on me as I ran my fingers through his hair. It was as soft as I thought it would be but his body was warmer than expected.

Tamaki cried for a while as I rubbed his back, it was not a calculated move on my part, more-so something I felt the instinct to do, he did not seem to mind though and we stayed like that even when his tears had ceased their flowing. My shoulder ached but I let him stay there, it was actually quite nice.

"I don't deserve your help," A muffled whisper emerged from my shoulder.

I leaned my head onto Tamaki's and whispered back, "you have to stop telling yourself these things, it is not about whether you deserve it or not it is just something that is happening and you decide whether  or not to cooperate."

"Okay." He lifted his head up. His midnight eyes were red and swollen, "but you've got to promise me you'll force me tomorrow if I do refuse."

"I promise." That was the second lie I told that day.

-

"Tamaki?" I did not immediately see the prince when I entered his tower but upon further inspection I gathered he was under the bedsheets, "how are you feeling?"

As he requested I brought food, I thought it would be good to bring something tasty so I took my favourite food. He was bound to like it, especially since his diet had consisted scarcely of bread, cheese and ham for the majority of his life.

The prince got out of bed, eyes once again red and puffy, and with a feigned confidence he said, "I'm ready." but he gulped as he saw the food in my hands, "C-could I maybe have something... simpler?"

"Oh," I frowned, instantly swapping my favourite for a boiled potato, nothing simpler than that, "I suppose, here eat this."

Cautiously eyeing the vegetable, Tamaki ever so slowly reached out and took it from my hands, slightly brushing my palm with his fingertips. The potato raised to his lips even more gently but before I knew it he had taken the smallest bite out of it.

"I did it... now we wait." The inflection in his voice turned from modest pride to anxiety and his hand shook around the vegetable. Removing the potato from his clutch I felt as anxious as he sounded, though I knew better than to think his voice equally matched what he was feeling.

Within minutes the potato manifested onto his body, his fist morphed into the food, an exact replica of what it was he just ate. There was no more change after that, nothing worked its way around mine or his necks and nothing leaked out or manifested from more limbs. Everything was perfectly still.

"I-is that all?" There was a small smile on Tamaki's face as he examined his fist, "I've never had potato before so I didn't know...

"Well now you do," this was brilliant, we had found a 'safe' food, something I could surely get him to eat with no protest. I could work with that and use it to help him control this... deformity, "You know Tamaki, since we have a foundation now, we have our work cut out for us, there is much to do."

"Like what?"

"Like learning to control your deformity! So long as nothing dangerous can come from eating a potato you can safely practice stopping it from manifesting and regulating when it does. This is huge progress."

"Really? You really think I can get better?"

This time I did not hesitate to grip his shoulder, "of course I do, Tamaki you have my full belief in you. I know you can go far."