When I Fall.
Preface:
There’s a nauseated feeling, which seems to erupt from my stomach as I look into your eyes.
I'm waiting for the words that I know are coming, but I can't help but stand here and soak in your features: your beautiful blue eyes and that slight twitch of your mouth as you struggle to fight the waves emotion you know the next sentence will bring.
Fear and sorrow build within me, as tears well and leak from my wide eyes, their green partially reflecting back in your blue. All I see is a terrified boy, his features stuck, frozen from the cold and yet waiting with great anticipation.
Your mouth opens to speak, but you close it quickly, the words you wish to speak too hard to grasp. The light suddenly fades and the sun dims. Fading into a near darkness where your rosy cheeks drain of all colour.
And then you say it.
"It’s over"
And that's when I begin falling, images of my past flashing past me, every suppressed feeling of hurt and pain erupting in a series of different sequences. I lose the world, as I lunge forward, grasping for your form and desperately trying to hold onto you, but you just smile a sad smile and disappear into a Smokey haze, which fades into mere nothingness. In pure desperation, I call your name, calling out for you to come back, but you don't.
I drop to the ground as the hurricane of images finally ends and lay there, my heart stopping and then starting again in a series of different, uneven thuds.
I realize something then, as my mind becomes fully aware of the world around me. I'm lying on something hard, consisting of many different patterns. As my head lulls effortlessly to the side, I realize the hard ground is actually asphalt, its black form obvious: even in this darkened nightmare.
The white lines signifying the middle of the road lay beneath me also and in a mist of confusion, I sit up. Dark skeletal trees in thick groups, reach toward the sky on both sides of the road. There forms stripped of all green; yet they sway in the wind, resembling a thousand dead hands. A light erupts into life ahead of me and a figure emerges, your figure. I scuffle desperately on the ground to face your form, yet have no strength to get up and run to you the way I want to.
You intentionally look in my direction and smile, and suddenly I’m brought back to the memory of the first day I ever met you, the first time I fell in love. I want to say something, to plead with you to change your decision, but I can’t seem to form any type of plausible sentence, so instead, you turn and walk away. The light you emerged from still hovers in the sky over you, leaving me to slowly fade back into a colder darkness the ever before.
Something shifts behind me and the fear prickles down my spine, but I don't turn around, somehow already knowing what was coming next.
Before it all ends, I call out your name once more, my mouth finally allowing speech. Your back stiffens at my call, and in a way that insinuates that you no longer wish to speak to me; you turn around to face me. But your face is not as I remember it, no happiness or sadness lingers there, no regret or pain, instead your features are warped into an angry mask.
"I never loved you" you whisper.
Once again silence falls and the last few tears leak from my eyes, descending down my cheeks like small streams.
I can't speak, so I stay still, as the last bit of strength leaves my body and I crumple into a ball on this cold road to nothingness. Not really focusing on the shifting of the creature as it stalks me from behind. I don't care if I die. In fact, I embrace it. Your figure turns around one last and final time, and I watch as you walk down to the end of the long road. My eyes never leave your back, as you disappear to the point of vanishing; I feel the breath of something unnatural on my neck, followed by the sound of the creature’s hungry growl dancing around my left ear lobe.
Before pain erupts from within my chest, as my heart finally breaks.
