"What is something you really regret?" I stared at that text for a while questioning myself trying to search my memory. Was it the time i disappointed all of my family for a mistake i made because i couldn't help but want attention? Was it letting myself get into a point in my life where i tried killing myself whenever i had the opportunity and not getting the help i needed? Was it the times where i had let so much conflict happen between me and my father to where i hated him at some point in my life? Was it letting people run over me and staying quiet seeming as a people pleaser? Was it letting people say things to me so many times to where i became insecure and started hiding myself? It was all. I have so many regrets and i'm only 14. I remember my mother had apologized to me saying "i'm sorry you had to go through so much so young." I'm sorry too mom. If only you knew how much pain i went through in those times. I've never told her about me wanting to commit suicide, the only people who know are my three close friends. They don't know the details though. I've been at many low points in my life and i've tried my hardest not to go back to having suicidal thoughts. The thought of me killing myself is selfish to me. Leaving my family behind and their memories of me. My parents not being able to see me grow as they expected. But still i feel like i haven't reached their exceptions. Even though my father randomly tells me "i'm proud of you and the women your becoming." I want to be too, but i can't help but think about the things he doesn't know that would make him not even say that he's proud of me at all. Sometimes i feel like a worthless person who can't control her emotions or find happiness. I take joy out of hearing other peoples problems to distract me from my own. But after that, i have self reflect. I reflect on my past and how that will affect me in my future. I reflect on my past and think about it affects my present. I reflect on my past, and i regret my past. But having regret only leads to guilt, disappointment, self-blame, and frustration. I've went through all. I've cried at night thinking, "If that wouldn't have happened, maybe whats going on right now would be better." But your past, you cant change it. You can only think on it and reflect it and move on. There's no point dwelling on what cannot be done.So what is something that i really regret?
Having so many things to regret at all.
