My mama always said "what goes on in the house stays in the house"
Maybe that's why I was reluctant to seek a consultant and discuss the repugnant..
Things that've happened to me...
as a first child...
Be the example they said
Be a good student
Be a good daughter
Be a good sister
Don't cause any problems
No matter how hard I tried,
nothing was ever good enough
I went to school with straight hair,
bleached skin,
just so I could look like them
But coming home was more treacherous than pretending
they are who I am
Being penalized for the mistakes of others was the norm for me.
My tortuous punishments became numb to me.
Lash after lash turned my melanated skin black and blue
I knew how to cover the bruises
so they wouldn't have a clue
Accepting that's what comes with being...
The first child
But, it wasn't all bad
No
There was times we put on the face of a conventional family
Went on vacations
Did extracurricular activities
But even those didn't liberate
Only reiterated
the curse...
Of the first child
It was true what my mom said
after my older cousin was caught
In my bed
It was swept under the rug
With nothing but a shrug
He told me keep my mouth shut
Made me feel like a slut
But after all
that's what comes with being...
The first child
~KM
