Four Single Words |BxB|

03

Clayton's POV

Sixteen years old and ready to take his life. Tonight was it, I was finally committing to my plan. I swiftly grabbed the things that meant the most to me and headed for the door. Before leaving, a small picture frame beside the door halted me in my steps. The photo held a beautiful picture of my mother. Her eyes were sympathetic, begging me not to leave. For just a moment I reconsidered, but the man beside her sent a wave of nausea flood through my body. My father's eyes were vacant of anything, they were daring me to leave. Flashbacks of the pain he put me through overpowered the hope my mother's eyes offered and I knew now was the time. I took one more look at my mom before I unlocked the door and escaped through the night.

As I was walking through the dimly-lit streets, a brisk breeze sent a shiver down my spine. I zipped up my sweater and continued walking. Sometime later I stumbled upon what looked to be a party. I recognized some of the familiar faces on the lawn as kids that went to my school. I was on the sidewalk across the street, taking a minute to observe the life I was supposed to have. I looked through the windows at the nameless shadows. The dark silhouettes swayed and drank. They were having the time of their lives while I was on my way to end mine. They had no worries in the world as they took sip after sip. The admiration I held for these careless and free people turned into something of envy. Jealousy was all I could feel at that moment.

The freedom they had to do whatever they pleased with their lives without the consequences of being carefully watched and whispered about. They didn't have to analyze every room before stepping into it. They never had the fear of being attacked for simply existing. They didn't have to bare the pain of being hated by everyone. No one has ever made them feel so useless and worthless to the point of them wanting to take their life. They were the ones who got away with treating another human being like scum on the bottom of their shoe. I had enough of seeing the life I'm glad didn't belong to me. My heart wasn't cold enough to fit in with them.

Colors were beaming through the windows of the house, some even landing on me. My eyes followed as the color blue moved from my face to my grey sweater, and that's when I realized it was soaked. There were no clouds in the sky, just pure exhaustion, and depression on my face. The tears trickled down my cheeks, seeping through my thin sweater. When I lifted my face back up, a single shadow in the window caught my attention. By the frame of the shadow, I suspected it to be a boy. His eyes were fixated on me. He was tall and lean, with broad shoulders and a drink in hand. He downed the rest of it before the dark outlines of his peers enveloped him. He disappeared into the crowd, and it was time for me to disappear into the clouds.

The sky was dark and brewing into a stormy mess. Pellets began falling on me as I neared the bridge. There were no cars in sight. The bridge I chose was an old one that not many people bothered to use anymore. It was an old wooden one that surprisingly held up after so many years. I go there every now and then when I need a break from the world. The scenery was beautiful and gave me comfort as I let my demons out onto the pages I wrote my music on. It's a peaceful spot that separates me from the rest of the world. Whenever I sit on the edge, it puts into perspective how easy it would be to end it all when it gets hard. The thought of taking my life has been with me since freshman year. I haven't had the guts to actually commit to it, but now I was done with everything and everyone. I was sick and tired of putting up with so much. At first, the pain I felt was unbearable, but now I'm numb to the feeling. I need to feel something again.

I was standing on the edge when a bright pair of headlights blinded me. I brought my arm up to cover my eyes, then squinted to see what lunatic was driving on this abandoned bridge. I backed away from the edge when the car pulled up to me. Their headlights were still on but since they were right beside me, they no longer took away my vision. My pupils dilated as a woman emerged from the vehicle. She was a petite woman with long, brown hair that reached past her chest area. I couldn't only hope she would mind her business, but judging by the fact that she's in Hindenburg, I knew that wouldn't happen.