Welcome to the Jungle, Sweetheart

The praying mantis and that funny chick

            Michelle covered her face with her hands, "OH MY GOD!" she gasped at the scene, and Slash and Axl both knew they were in deep shit because there was no backing out of this one. The two of them, only the two of them, (definitely NOT a threesome), naked, in bed together, making out, clothes scattered on the floor, handcuffs and whiskey on the nightstand. 

"FUCK FUCK FUCK!" Axl hissed, scrambling out from underneath of Slash to the edge of the bed and snatching the nearest pair of jeans Slash had littered on the bedroom floor. 

"OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD-" Michelle continued to holler as she took off down the hallway like a startled bunny. 

Axl hopped on one foot trying to wriggle into Slash's jeans, which would've been easier if they weren't skinny jeans, even though Slash was one size bigger, and if he weren't trying to get dressed in 0.2 seconds. 

The moment the pants were at his hips he booked it out the door to chase her down and Slash could hear him screaming down the hallway, "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK-" 

Slash glanced around the now empty room. "Uhh.."

Axl sprinted out the door, shirtless, his pants half-zipped and barefoot, chasing after Michelle, who had quickly snatched the keys and was frantically trying to unlock the car. She didn't originally intend on driving away but when Axl started chasing her she panicked and being a pregnant woman who couldn't run as fast or as far as him, the car was her best bet. 

Axl screamed, running out the door to the vehicle, "MICHELLE KIMBERLY YOUNG DON'T YOU DARE GET IN THAT CAR!" 

"Eek!" Michelle quickly hopped into the car and locked the door. Panicky, she put the keys into the ignition and turned on the engine. 

As the car rumbled, Axl jumped onto the hood and splayed himself out on the windshield, "MICHELLE YOUNG DON'T YOU TRY TO DRIVE THIS FUCKING CAR!" Michelle squeaked in alarm, trying to get the car to start. Axl banged his fists on the window, "MICHELLE UNLOCK THIS VEHICLE RIGHT NOW!" 

Michelle turned on the windshield wipers, hitting Axl in the face. "OW! OW!" he hissed, trying to smack them away. 

She yelled fearfully, "THIS IS THE SCARIEST PRAYING MANTIS I'VE EVER HAD STUCK TO THE WINDSHIELD IN MY WHOLE LIFE!" 

Axl hissed, "UNLOCK THIS CAR RIGHT FUCKING NOW OR THIS PRAYING MANTIS IS GONNA RIP OFF YOUR FUCKING HEAD!!" Once the engine started running Michelle quickly shifted the gear into reverse and slammed on the gas for a millisecond, throwing Axl off the hood from the force. "AGHH!" Axl screamed, flying off the car and hitting a telephone pole. 

"OWWWWW YOU LITTLE BITCH!" He screamed, hobbling up and quickly limping to the car, his torso bleeding and his arms bloody and scraped. Before Michelle could drive away Axl climbed into the (mostly) open passenger seat window. He was plenty skinny, and If he could climb a barbed wire fence with a dog on his leg he could squeeze through a half open window with a limp.

"AH!" She screamed in alarm. Axl halfway wriggled in and he rolled the window down the rest of the way. He scrambled inside the vehicle, then quickly yanked the keys out of the ignition. He then kicked the car door open again and dragged Michelle out of the car.

While people were out of his room Slash seized this opportunity to put a different pair of jeans on his legs. He was glad he did too, because the second he was done adjusting his belt he heard noisy yelling return back to the house, and a few seconds later a bloody, limping Axl returned to his room carrying a kicking Michelle with his hand around her mouth. Slash had a startled look, "Axl we're not trying to kidnap her!"