.....

Sarah

I was underneath the college bleachers, studying the football players and their walk and plays. I drew scratching away at the pad at my hand, expressing my emotions on my paper.

The bleachers hid me from the noise and fear of people. Nobody was at this game. Nevertheless, we were terrible. So I was mindlessly watching the game, not having to think the damage I was suffering.

Bullet holes are visible. Whatever I was suffering from was not. I drew some more. The lines became Electromagnetic Waves and finally I stopped. I was having an anxiety attack.

"Hey, I know you!" Someone shouted out.

I jumped and started shaking. I was traumatized. Hyperventilating. He started to run at me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him. It was Derrick.

Maybe I should trust him. I wanted somebody to save me from this attack. It was the worst ever. I felt losing to the exorcist. And he was running to save me. The trauma was swallowing me.

My best friend was Rose. Rose had a boyfriend named Keith. Derrick was Keith's best friend. I met him only twice before. One time, we were at the party. The other time, I went to a festival with Rose and Keith.

At the party, I was extremely drunk and don't remember much. He looked older than all of us by a lot. But he was short. He lifted a lot though, and was very stocky. He was more so the funny guy. He liked to make others better and laugh.

When I went to the festival with Rose, I was forced to be on the ferris wheel ride with him. We said nothing. I shook and looked out to the sky and the city. I was traumatized. He was physically attractive...and his personality made him better. To me, even though most people would say he looked weird, he looked attractive. I couldn't put my finger on it. Being short and muscular made it even better.

When we left the awkward ride, I told them I had to go the bathroom. I walked away. I stopped. From the distance I could hear Keith discreetly talking to Derrick.

"What happened?" He asked Derrick.

"Nothing. We didn't talk." He said bluntly.

"Nothing? What do you mean?"

He said it again word for word. "Nothing. We didn't talk."

"Is there something wrong with her? Like she isn't attractive or?"

"Of course not." He says, "She's extremely beautiful and Id be lucky to have somebody who looks as beautiful as she did. But the truth is she looks like a traumatized puppy. There's no way she's going to open up to me. There's no way I can like somebody like that..."

"Derrick..." Rose said.

My eyes go bleak.  I burst into barrels of tears. I am hurt. And back to the present, I go. A Derrick is hugging me. Not letting me go. There's a fight back. And anger inside of me.

"But the truth is she looks like a traumatized puppy. There's no way I can like somebody like that..." I say the words out loud.

"Huh?" he asks. But then finally realizes what I am talking about.

He lets go. "Fuck. I'm sorry."

"I'm unlovable you know. I'm going to be forever alone."

"You aren't, I just said something stupid."

"I was immature, I was scared. It's not your fault. I just didn't know how to deal with you being hurt."

"Maybe you want to talk to Rose about this," He panics and asks. "Maybe she will be better for this then I am."

"Rose can't know," I shudder. "It's just family stuff. Mom and Dad."

"Can I hold you?" He asks and my body craves for the affirmation and the validation. Even if it was from him, I knew he was there for me as a friend.

"Yeah."

"Okay," he wraps his arms around me and something feels good about him, a short guy with dad bod and strength. He didn't seem intimidating at all but could protect me. I was jumping to conclusions now.

"It's been a long time since I've been under the bleachers. It was high school," He laughs a bit.

I roll my eyes. "I was under the bleachers for getting bullied. I knew you were there for a different reason."

He smiled. "I'm going to surprise you. A guy was fucking me in the ass. No joke. I don't talk about it much, because of the homophobia and all in the world."

"And did you like it?"

"Kind of." He says nonchalantly, "It hurt though. I don't know how Rose and Keith do it. With Rose's height...and Keith's dick size,"

"Stop it!"

"I'm just joking around, Sarah,"

There's silence a bit. Until, he releases me from his hold.

"Do you want to join them? Rose is there? We can wait until halftime and sneak in?"

"I'll try," I shake a bit.

"You don't have to. I'm here for you as your friend."

"I will go. Just, can we sneak away like you said."

"Of course." He smiles.