Wow how long has it been since I've written something, my little heart seemed to not have had anywhere to run to. A lot of things happened, a lot passed, a lot will happen. It feels nice to realize I was normal, there was nothing wrong with me, just a cute little angsty early teen who had and still has a lot to say. I'm still silly little me, I've just experienced lots of what I've been imagining and I couldn't be happier. I found friends-a family per se, for now, who knows what the unpredictable future will bring I can't wait to find out but for now I am pleased, I am content and safe. But to say the future is unpredictable would be ignorant because we hold the future in our hands built off the decisions at the tip of our fingers. I'm done feeling guilt over the littlest grains of rice that made me upset because if something happened it was meant to be, I've made millions of tiny decisions that led to certain points of my life.
Still, feeling like you are unlovable never quite leaves your side, even after an amount of confessions and dates, they're not from or with the someone you want, and funny enough even when it's with a certain someone you like, the issues start resurfacing and making you absolutely disgusted by the person in front of you, starting to pick out the smallest things to hate as to make your hatred make at least a little bit of sense. Even though its just your commitment issues being afraid of letting people see you in a vulnarable state so they don't take advantage of you and leave you again. Hey but that's just a funny little quirk about you right, everybody has one haha it's definetly not a victim complex developed by exposure to trauma. But anyways, you're gonna feel like you're in a stupid cliché wattpad story where all the dumb shit in the world happens to you, from feeling like your not-so-single best friend tries to take away your crush from you to the cheesy-est moments with some people including that crush. It gets better if you start dissociating, trust me.
Life is really tricky sometimes, isn't it? Oh well anything happens for a reason little me, can't wait to tell you about any future mistakes I make, much love and kisses kiddo.
