Again

Untitled Part 14

Eren's POV

I'll be home for Christmas~

I'm having a mental breakdown, I don't know it just suddenly came up. My emotions are out of control as it happened out of the blue. This hasn't happened since training. I don't even recall what I was doing moments ago but I'm just here, alone. I want to call somebody, anybody, but my hands are too jittery to even grab​ the damn phone. I want to go home but I'm not in Germany anymore. Its been a change of season  and scenery, it was starting to get colder as the leaves outside started to die. I remembered wanted to stare at them as they started to fall but I had work to do. That work was ceased by this pain that I had to stop as soon as possible. I crawled to a mirror in the restroom, my legs unable to stand as they weakened.

I picked myself up from the toilet, to the sink as I looked at my eyes, they were glowing with hatred. Was it for the police not getting there in time to save her? For the people that killed my parents out of reason or pure insanity? Or was it for myself for not being able to do anything at the time to protect those that I loved? I can't answer those questions if I wanted to. They then turned sad, from my mother's death, to all of the pain that I suffered through training, even to see the look on Levi's face when he was hurt. I never want to make him sad ever again. I just want him to smile all the time.

You can count on me~

Tears streaming down my face as I clawed at my hair, tugging hard. I hit my hands against my head as I tried to stop the memories from coming and coming, but they just won't stop. I remembered the pain, how hollow I felt now compare to then. My image self is just staring, frowning at me. While my real self, if I should even call it that, is having this emotional tantrum.

The rest is being blurred here and there, I need to get rid of this pain. I opened the cabinet that was behind the mirror and found medicine, more of my prescriptions. I opened the capsule and took one with the water from the sink, cupping my hands to take a drink. I didn't even feel the pill go down but I know it did for I started to feel sick. I have to eat something right after or before taking one or else I'll throw it back up.

Please have snow and mistletoe~

It felt like I wasn't myself anymore as my hands numbly rubbed over my face with the cold water, pulling at my own hair. I didn't even know I was crying as it mixed with the water. Images flashed in my head as I pulled at my hair again continuously.

And presents by the tree~

Why wasn't my medicine working? I tried to read the words that are on the bottle but they're to small for me to read or comprehend. I know the words were long and the instructions stated that it's supposed to help when I have attacks or if I'm not feeling well. This pain was getting more worst than better. I got mad as I threw the bottle against the wall, watching the capsule breaking and the pills flying everywhere.

Shit.

Trying my best to pick them up, they were already useless. Throwing the rest into the trash I made my way to my bag to fish up something else. I let out a yelp as I came across 'The Serum'.  Watching the bottle roll around on the ground, I hurried to get away from it. I haven't seen that since my days in the Training Corps. I could take it but I'm scared, from the constant abuse I don't know how it ended up in my possessions or how it became of. I don't know what I could see this time and I especially don't want to find out. The times before emitted be a week away from training on bed rest and medical observation.

Christmas Eve will find me~

The Serum acts as both an depressant and a hallucinogen. It could be injected, inserted into foods, touched, or purely taken from the liquid state. It brings back bad memories, memories that I wished for so long to forget. At times, nightmares would rise just to terrify me.