I'm So Sorry... (Antisepticeye x Reader) Book 1

Chapter 1

Song Inspiration: Human - Christina Perri

(Y/N)'s P.O.V

I grit my teeth as I stared at the man in front of me, his sharp-toothed grin making me dig my nails into my palms. The pain distracted me only slightly from the hurt I was mainly feeling but I didn't dare let him see it. "What? No reaction at all?" Anti teased as he leaned closer to me, his heterochromatic eyes boring into my own as if searching for the reaction he craved.
"Maybe you didn't hear me-" "Don't repeat it! The fact you said it at all has already done it's damage!" My eyes slightly shifted over to the second voice, the action angering the first enough for him to grab my chin firmly, his freshly painted black nails digging in just enough for it to sting.
"-as I was saying, maybe you didn't hear me. I said that you'd be more useful six feet under fertilizing Marvin's garden than you are standing here and wasting oxygen. So do us a favor and off yourself already." He sneered, letting my chin go with a slight shove.
Despite the salty burn in my eyes and the looks of horror surrounding us, I started to laugh, startling everyone including myself. I felt the tears finally run down my cheeks, not bothering to wipe away the trails they left behind as I let my eyes roam around all the faces, observing the concerned and scared looks before stopping and staring at the person who dated to show guilt.
Though I had forgiven Jackieboy a long time ago, he still held himself responsible for Anti's harsh nature towards me specifically. "(Y/N)..." Jackie started but I just held my hand up, effectively silencing him as he put his head down and nodded.
My laughter died down and I took a deep breath, a hiccup escaping me as I tried to calm down with a sad smile painted on my face. "It's okay, Jackie. Just because he's right doesn't mean I'll give him what he wants, you don't have to worry." I tried to reassure everyone.
Even though his venomous words kept poisoning me to my very core, I refused to lose my smile.
After all, no one had to know about the pills and razors in the cabinet, the scars on my legs, the blood on my palms, the thoughts in my head, the rope in the closet, the gun under my bed, or about the note in my nightstand.
I'll just keep lying to myself and then until I can't take it anymore then just do it when they go to bed.
'Not like they'd miss me anyways...Right?'