We Might Get Well Tomorrow - A Series Of Poems

We Might Get Well Tomorrow

So where do we go from here?
I may be caught against The Great Beyond and The Great Nothing.
Faded face to the sky, eyes squinted, awaiting a fiery blaze,
A glorious gone.
If I knew for a fact the stars were concealing lifetimes, I would plunge.
I wouldn't dare blink. I'd stop infecting the wrinkled hands that raised me
Or all the outstretched arms that couldn't stop me.
Perhaps I never belonged in the fire in the first place.
I know they cried when I strung my lungs along the floor.
Please don't spread the word that I can't take it anymore.
I'm sorry for making your hearts drop to mimic my own pain.
I'm sorry for not leaving sooner to stop your own gain.
I'm damned either way, your tears are mine to sell.
We're lost in the mo(u)rning, bloodshot in the evening,
Robbed dreams.
The tunnel light staggers away from me before my trembling hands can get to it,
So I'll make the sewage my blanket and complete my arduous travels.
I know they'll weep when I go and wash my life away.
Just don't be mad that I just couldn't last another day.
Swapping vision for attention,
Arms for headlights,
My friendship for their freedom,
Blind hope for unanswered questions,
Piloted skin for a maggot home,
A front for a one man line,
Connection for flippant fear,
Love for the swirling storm,
A tomorrow for a tomorrow,
And now one L for another.
I know the puppetmaster, or my talking weapons or my bleeding forehead,
Could not expect me to live a martyr to shield my struggling,
My pathetic existence a vessel for other people to wake up unbothered.
They couldn't possibly expect me to wait long enough for things to get better tomorrow.
Or next week.
Or next month.
Or next year.
Or next decade.
Patience is for those who never have to think of drowning.
I know they'll stutter when I say the road's too tough.
Please understand that I think that enough's enough.
Green rots away before my sinking eyes, and yet-
I know God scoffs as he goes and rips my world apart.
Don't cry for me, I've just been short of breath from the start.
We'll get well tomorrow
Only because I won't wake to see the sun glow.
I'm lost in death, I embrace it,
The Great Beyond demands that we let go.