Crown Of Dancing Starlight (Maite Katha #2) ✔️

ika-29

Ikadalawampu't-siyam

Owned

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I felt used. I felt dirty. So I had to cleanse myself harder, faster, and willed for day to erase all of the lingering memories.

   Sa pagkita ko kay Nate, doon ko lang hinayaan ang sarili kong huminga at ibalik ang makapangyarihang hangin sa baga ko nang sinalubong ko siya ng mahigpit na yakap. Nilapat niya ang kamay niya sa likod ko, holding my nape. "What's up, baby?"

   I didn't speak. Hindi ko gustong mahalata niya ang paghigpit ng mga kamay ko sa katawan niya, pero hindi ko mapigilan.

   I missed him.

   I missed him so much.

   I long for him. And I don't know why it aches. I know the hurt will snake into my system like cancer, eating me slowly until I will be left for nothing. I long for him to take all of the bad memories and cage me with his light.

   Namamasa ang mga mata kong tumingala sa kanya at ngumiti. "It's so good to see you."

   "Of course it always is." Naaaliw na kumibot ang labi niya. "What's crossing your beautiful eyes?"

   Mabilis kong pinahiran ang basa sa mga mata ko at tumingala't ngumisi muli. "Hindi ko namalayan. Mahapdi ang hangin."

   "Damn." Bumaba ang kamay ni Nate sa braso ko, hinahagod ako ng may ingat. Then he ducked down to my face, worry and concern in his eyes. "Are you on your period?"

   Umiling lang ako, tinititigan lang siya. 

   Bumuntong-hininga si Nate at hinaplos ng hinlalaki ang balat ko. "I thought you were joking when you said you left the guest villa. Naghintay ako sa'yo. Umuwi ka na ba agad para kay Cecil?"

   At the mention of it, my stomach clenched. "Sorry."

   He can't know.

   Ilang beses ko iyong ipinasok sa kokote ko ng magdamag, subalit ginupo iyon ng paalalang ito and my stomach dropped even more. He can't know.

   Kinabig ako ni Nate sa kanya sa nakitang ekspresyon ko, and I closed my eyes at the feeling that enclosed me. "No, it's alright, my balani. Do you feel tired? Umaga pa lang, but it happens normally too. What do you want to do? Do you want to schedule a massage? Go somewhere. . . eat something? Anong gusto mo?"

   "You's fine," sagot ko, nagpilit muli ng ngiti because I hope that was grammatically correct. Sa wakas ay ngumisi si Nate sa kaka-yuko sa'kin. "Of course sapat ako." Thinking of his smiling face just makes the guilt worse, something in my feelings twisting, making the arms that wrapped around me feel like it was more than relief and more than security. It was haven. And it makes me cold knowing there's things I can't tell him now. I can't lose this. Him. And I can't make him worry.

   I can't make him worry and I can't make this unfair even if it's already unfair.

   My job is the only key to losing people.

   "So what does my Harley want?"

   Kung sana ikaw lang puede. If only he could be the only one I want, I'll be happier. Siniksik ko ang mukha ko sa dibdib niya, hindi sumasagot.

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We were in the guest villa, at sa pagpulupot ko ng mga kamay ko sa katawan ni Nate ay napangiti siya.