The Writer's Assistant (ManxMan)

Chapter 35: Sinking Deeper

A/N: July 3, 2023

New update lovelies, hope you enjoy! Btw, I just released some information on some upcoming books. You can find it in my most recent Instagram post @letsgohomehidee!! Exciting stories are brewing

Please don't forget to leave a vote ❤️ this chapter is kind of angsty, so hold on tight

Q/A: If you could control air, water, earth, or fire, which one would you choose? 

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On Monday, I heard Oliver and Camila fighting over the phone. It was the first time I saw Oliver sound so torn.

"What do you mean the chapter isn't completed?" Camila demanded. I could hear her voice from a distance and knew she was yelling through the phone.

"It's not completed." Oliver's tone was clipped.

"It was supposed to be done last Saturday."

I stiffened. Saturday was when we went swimming together. Did he miss his deadline because of me?

"You're not getting writer's block again, are you?"

"It's not something I can fix, Camila. This isn't math or science. I can't just produce a result using the same equations and formulas. Writing requires creativity and inspiration, and sometimes it just doesn't come."

"We had a deadline to meet, and now we're behind schedule because of you. Again!" Camila snapped. 

"This isn't just about writing, Oliver. It's about your lack of professionalism. My career depends on yours, and you have a whole team counting on you."

I stiffened at her harsh words. After a long silence, Oliver spoke.

"I'm sorry, Camila." Oliver sounded tired but genuine. Something lingered in his tone that made my chest tighten. "I know you're working hard, and I keep failing you. I know you're doing your best, but so am I. But I feel like I'm drowning, and no one is here to help me. It's like you expect me to swim on my own while dragging a boat instead of giving me a life ring. I'm trying my best to keep us afloat, okay?"

As I listened to him, I couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. I knew firsthand how it felt to be tormented by self-doubt and questioning one's worth. It was a painful place to be, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But I also couldn't help but blame myself. Had I been a distraction? Despite my presence, did he feel lonely? Perhaps it was best if I backed off and gave him some space. Thoughts swirled in my head.Oliver paused and exhaled deeply. 

"But the more you push me, the more I force my brain to come up with something that just isn't there. As I said, writing isn't a simple calculation where there's a definite right or wrong answer. It's a craft that's subjective, and everyone has their own opinions. That's the beauty of it, but it's also what makes me feel so lost. I don't know if what I'm creating is good or not, and the more I overthink it, the more my mind turns into a blank canvas. I love writing, I truly do, but it seems like my creativity has been drained from me, leaving me feeling hollow and worthless. It's ruining me as much as it makes me feel alive."

He fell silent, and I could almost feel his pain and anguish. My heart ached for him, and I wished I could do something to help him through this. Camilia said something before hanging up, but whatever she said left Oliver quiet.I looked past the corner and saw his shoulders slumped as he held the phone away from his ear. He looked defeated, and a heavy silence hung around him. It was clear that whatever Camilia had said had hit him hard.