Go Away | ChangLix

22

Warning: Mention of suicide

From his seat, Changbin watched as Felix chugged down bottles and glasses of alcohol until he danced and got snatched away by some random guy. Changbin was blatantly ignoring the girl that sat on his lap, who opted to just feel Changbin's body until he looks at her. 

Changbin looked pissed when Felix let himself to be touched all over and when they started to walk away, Changbin was not having it. He stood up, letting the girl fall on her bum and walked away. "Hey, Binnie-hyung, where are you going?" Hyunjin asked, parting his lip lock from a random stranger. "None of your business" Changbin growled. Hyunjin whistled, "If he wasn't my friend, I'd let him fuck my brains out". Chan just gave him the disgusted look, he wondered what the hell was running through his friend's head. 

Changbin followed the pair until they entered a room. His blood boiled and he kicked the door down before they could lock it. He gave the guy a roundabout kick, knocking him out and dragged the wasted Felix out of the party. Changbin was sure he saw Minho looking so worried but he was busy with Felix.

He threw Felix onto his bed and climbed on top of him, grabbing his by the collar, "What the hell were you thinking!? How dare you give your body to someone else! You're mine!". In a daze, Felix answered, "It's your fault for breaking me... Because of you, I'm dirty...". Felix's eyes looked empty as he stared into Changbin's, then he smiled. A doll like smile that Changbin liked, just to prove that he was now a broken doll. "Fuck you" Changbin whispered and kissed Felix, it was a light kiss on the lips. "Just sleep, Sunshine" He whispered, covering Felix's eyes until he heard soft snores. 

Changbin was feeling something towards Felix, and that was bad. He shouldn't catch feelings, he didn't want to end up like his father. Even no his father looked broken, he wasn't going to make the same mistake. If he ever did, who'd take care of his father... He needed to end it quick. Only for tonight, he'd let himself be weak. Starting tomorrow, everything will be hell for Felix, he'd make sure of it.

The sun started to rise and Felix peeled his eyes open to be met with a built chest. He looked up and it was Changbin, he quickly pushed himself away. As he stood, he felt his world spin, 'Cursed hangover' he cussed. He basically ran out of the house until a certain distance before calling an uber. "Fucking shit" he cussed, he couldn't remember anything from him entering the dance floor. The fact that he just had to wake up to Changbin holding him in his sleep made his thought go all over the place and he felt dirty. He started scratching his body, in hopes of getting rid of the icky sticky disgusting feeling on his skin.

He couldn't be anymore grateful when he arrived home. He spent an eternity showering, trying to scrub the 'dirt' off his skin, not realizing how damaged his skin has become. He only realized it when he saw blood running down his arm. He decided that  it was enough though he could still feel the filth. 

Weeks passed and Felix's complexion now blended with all the mobs. There no pop of color or life anymore. Even his friends and the SoraMafu duo couldn't cheer him up. The sunshine personality of Felix that made him Felix was gone. Changbin had messed him up. Felix was sometimes absent minded that he forgot to cover his arms or legs. Light and deep cuts accompanied by bruises were painting his limbs. When the teacher asked, Felix would just snap at them, physically assaulting them or just run out of the class.

What made it worse was his constant nausea, every passing week it became even worse. Felix himself knew what it might be but he was in denial. But he decided to just fuck it and get a pregnancy test.

He tested it a few times and everytime the test came out, he just became even broken. Until he used up the whole pack, Felix laughed and laughed like a maniac with tears running down his cheeks. He knew whose child it was.  Until his throat started hurting he kept laughing, it felt meaningless. He was carrying a child that no one would love. He had already hated himself, how can someone who can't love themself love someone else. If he had enough love than maybe but reality was cruel. He ran out of love and the father of the child was a cruel monster. Would it be better if he just got rid of the child and himself at the same time. It was hitting two birds with one stone. If they died, at least the world would lose 2 lives that contributed to overpopulation and they'd be free from the cruel world. Truly, death was what Felix hoped.

He walked to his kitchen, pulled out his knife. He looked at the expression he had on the silver knife, he looked like he had gone through shit. He didn't like his own reflection, a point made when he destroyed all reflective material in his apartment. His apartment looked like it had been ransacked by robbers and he didn't mind it. What's the point of living when he couldn't even afford to fake a smile. It's better to end everything now than later.

He gripped the knife with both hands, the sharp end pointing to him. A stab through the throat. Cut through his takea, he won't be able to breath anymore. Break his cervical vertebrae, his nerve system would shut down. Cut his carotid arteries, his blood brain supply would be gone and his brain will shut down. All that combined, he'll be dead, a certain death will be promised. For that to happen, the best way would be a stab from either side of the neck. He changed the trajectory.

His right hand helf the knife and pushed it into his neck. He'll finally be free from Changbin.