Reflections-C.L

Sun after rain

DW: Mentions of anxiety, abusive relationships, alcohol abuse and smoking .

He kept starring at the door, hoping that it would magically open again revealing the brunette girl with a smile on her face. But he was delusional if he thought that she would return back after everything that happened, the he said.

His mind blank, unable to realized what happened a few moments ago. His body felt stiff, like he didn't have control of it. The only thing he could hear was the ringing in his ears, plus the muffled voice of Pierre in the background.

Snapping from reality he turned his head to look at Pierre.

"What?" he said.
"Charles what have you done?" Pierre said furiously.
"I-" he felt unable to speak, to move his lips. He opened his mouth but no voice came out of it so he closed again.
"Charles?" Pierre asked, worried about his best friend.
"I-, She left. We fought and she left. I said that I shouldn't have stayed that night. And she grabbed her keys and left. She left Pierre" he said as his brain started working again.
"Pierre- Pierre she left- Lydia-My Stargirl. She- She-"
"Charles you have to calm down. Sit here" Pierre said as he went closer to him, grabbing his arms and helping him sit on the couch so he can calm down a bit.

"Charles I have to talk to you about something" Pierre said looking at him.
"Not now Pierre. I have to find Lydia." he said looking around as he tried to get up.
"Sit down for a bit Charles." Pierre said, stopping him by pulling his arm as he tried to get up again."It's about Lydia."

At the mention of her name, Charles immediately turned his head and looked at him.
"What is it Pierre?" he asked.
"Look Charles.Lydia has been gone through a lot in the past. She was with someone, a Greek guy, a few years ago. His name was Philip." Pierre took a deep breath
"He was abusive towards her. It took her a lot of time to stop being with him. And to get through this." Pierre slowly said.
"Oh my god. I had no idea" Charles said with guilt in his voice.
"It was really difficult for Lydia to trust someone again. And that someone was you Charles. But I don't want to talk more about it. It's something Lydia has to tell you, when she is ready of course."
"Pierre I fucked up. What do I do now?"
"I think that both of you said a lot of things you didn't mean. Maybe you should go and find her. Talk things out"
"Yes, yes. You are right" Charles said as he got up. Patting his pockets for his keys.

He looked around finding them on the table, where he'd left them when he returned back earlier.

"I have to go Pierre. I have to find Lydia" he said, grabbing his keys, opening the door and getting outside.

He closed the door behind him, as he got into the elevator. Replaying again and again in his mind their fight.

He got into his car, starting the engine on and trying to think where she could possibly be. Monaco isn't that big. And she doesn't know her way around very well.

And that's when he realized where she could possibly be. He drives towards the park as he finds her running on the sidewalk. He slows down the car so he can match her pace.

As she turns around and looks at him he opens the window to talk to her.
"Lydia-" he starts to talk but he immediately closes his mouth as he realizes that he doesn't know what to say to her.
"Charles leave me alone. I need to stay alone for a little bit" she says as she starts running faster, getting away from him.
"I know about Philip" he suddenly shouts to her.
As she heard his name she immediately turned around looking at him. She didn't say anything. She couldn't.
"Please Lydia. Let's talk things out. Please" he said to her, desperate to hear her voice again.
But she didn't talk. She just nodded and got inside the car.

He drove towards the port. Parking his car as both of them got out.

They walked until they found a bench and sat down. None of them spoke until that moment.

"Philip was nice at the begging of our relationship" Lydia said looking straight, at the boats the were moving by the low waves. She hadn't the courage to look at him.
"Then it all started with a slap. He was angry about work. He came back, we had an argument and that's when he slapped me. After the first time I didn't think it was much. Then one day he came back from work and I had just came back from a race. There was no food at the house. I was tired from travelling and sad from the race because I had DNF'd. We started fighting again. I remember vividly that he grabbed the collar of my hoodie,pushed me into the wall and started slapping me and calling me names. After that I had a really bad panic attack. And that's what happened every time we fought. We would fight, he then beat me and call me names and then he could leave and I could lock myself in the bathroom while having a panic attack. Until one day when Daphne and Mick supposed to come at my house for my birthday. He was beating me when they suddenly came in. Apparently they were ringing the bell for a long time and got worried when I didn't open the door so Daphne opened with the key I had given her in case of emergency".
She took a deep breath. She felt her cheeks hot. When she touched them she realized she was crying the whole time.

"Lydia-" he started talking. He wanted to hug her and kiss her and never let go of her. Tell her she was safe. But he didn't. Too afraid to touch her like she was some kind of porcelain doll.
"I never believed that you could be like him." she turned to look at him, taking a deep breath.
"And I don't think that you are like him, but today I got a deja vu. That's why I left. I needed some time to think."
"Why does Pierre know?"he asked.
"Last year I saw Philip in the paddock. All the memories started coming back into my mind and I ran, trying to hid from him. I had started crying and that when I bumped into Pierre. He tried to calm me down and asked what happened. So I told him everything."

"Lydia I am so sorry about everything. I may have reacted too much, but the truth is that I am afraid that you are going to leave too. When I saw your behavior changing I tried not think too much of it. Then I found you smoking and I felt like I was losing you. I'm afraid that you are going to leave because everyone in my life leaves. First it was Jules, then it was my dad and I didn't want to be you too. It was really hard for me to go through their deaths and I don't want to go through all those emotions again, because this time it's different. I feel so much pressure from the past that I'm always worried about the future. I try not to think of it to much but I can't stop but be afraid that some day something might happen to my mom, my brothers, you and I will lose you all. It's so hard to live for those who have left"

"I'm sorry Charles. That you had to go through all of that" she said as she wrapped her arms around him.

"I smoke because of my panic attacks. I didn't only smoke, I drank alcohol also. It was hard to go through all of that on my own. I didn't want to accept it so I found other ways to let out stress. I couldn't sleep at nights. I was unable to eat. My heart pace always started rising unexpectedly. I felt dizzy and tired most of the time and so much more than that." she said making a pause. Taking a deep breath so she can continue.
"The worst of all is that I had panic attacks. They started when I was a teenager and the last time I had them was 2 years ago. I never thought they would start again, but I started getting more and more anxious and they started again. I thought that when I moved in with you they could stop. And they did at first, I was starting feeling better but then I got one during the race and I ended up in the hospital."

"Lydia I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were going through all of this mess" he said hugging her.
"I'm here with you know. I'm by your side and I will help you get through this"

She looked at him. Their faces now inches apart. She grabbed his face, making their foreheads touch as they held eye contact.
"I can see my reflection in your eyes" she whispered.
He smiled looking deeper into her eyes. Green meeting brown.

He touched her hand. Both of them looking at their hands as he interwinded their fingers together. Their foreheads still touching.

"Je t'aime Lydia. I love you. In every language, in every country, in every planet in every universe"
"Σ'αγαπω Charles. Ti amo. In every second of the day, every minute, every hour. Every day and night. Year and decade. Every life of mine."

And they kissed. All those emotions exploding as their lips touched. Two people in love with each other.

Two people too attached with the past, living in the future. Falling in love with each other.