Anymore

Chapter 11

Marlena stared at the screen as Dr. Bader moved the wand over her stomach. Marlena's eyes welled with tears and thoughts swam through her mind of what their child would have been like... Our baby...

Laura silently sat by her side holding her hand, listening to Dr. Bader. "Well, our assumption was right, it's an ectopic pregnancy."

Marlena covered her mouth before a sob escaped. Taking a deep breath. "Has my fallopian tube ruptured?"

Dr. Bader took a few pictures then removed the wand from Marlena's stomach. She set it aside and looked at Marlena. "No, not yet. So we need to proceed quickly to prevent that."

Laura squeezed Marlena's hand and looked at Dr. Bader. "What are you thinking, Dr. Bader? Methotrexate?"

She nodded and removed her gloves, throwing them away. "I think that is the best course of treatment. Marlena?"

Marlena was just staring at the ultrasound machine, with the picture of her child frozen on it. Her emotions were so overwhelming she felt as though she was shutting down to prevent anyone of them from taking her over. Laura nudged her. "Marlena... did you hear Dr. Bader?"

Marlena shook the fog off and nodded. "Yes, sorry... Methotrexate. That's fine, I know the side effects. Can you... just give me a few minutes please. I will have to talk to Carrie and tell her what's going on."

Dr. Bader nodded and patted her hand. "Of course, take your time. Just call my secretary when you are ready for the injection." She walked a few steps to the door and stopped, turning back. "Marlena... I am so sorry for your loss."

Marlena smiled weakly and nodded as Laura stood. "I'll go get Carrie for you... anyone else you want here for you?"

Marlena got irritated. "Laura for the last time, I don't want Roman here!"

Laura stood defiantly, her hand's on her hips. "Marlena! I don't even understand you right now... this isn't like you! You are pregnant... he has a right..."

Marlena faced her angrily. "He has NO right... this isn't his child!" Laura blinked rapidly, her mouth suddenly dry. Marlena closed her eyes and counted to ten silently. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to just blurt that out." She took Laura's hand. "If you could please just go get Carrie and then I will explain it to both of you, I don't want to have to do this more than once." Laura simply nodded and left the room.

Marlena stood and walked over to her chart that laid on the counter. She opened it and took out one of the sonogram photos. She climbed back up on the bed and laid down. She took her finger and traced the little peanut sized blur on the photo. "I have spent the last couple hours imagining what you would have been like...would you have your daddy's eyes and dark hair or a combination of both of us? Both of us... that's what you would have been, the best of both of us. That's what you ARE... the best of our love! No matter what anyone ever says... you were created out of so much LOVE! Many would say that our love wasn't right, some might even say it wasn't real because it was based on the lies and manipulations of others. But our love was the realest and purest love I have ever known. The circumstances may have been wrong, but I will never... never regret you!"

Marlena wiped her tears as the door opened and Carrie rushed over to hug her. Marlena squeezed her tight. "It's going to be okay honey."

"Marlena... I've been so scared."

Marlena wiped the tears off Carrie's cheeks. "I'm sorry honey. Have a seat." She turned to face her friend. "Laura you too please." She watched as they both pulled a chair up besides the bed. "I am going to explain everything to both of you, but it's painful and I only want to do it once." She glanced at the sonogram, then back to them. "First I need your word, what I am about to tell you goes no further than this room." Marlena looked at Laura who nodded her agreement, and then she looked at the daughter of her heart. "Carrie I won't tell you this if you don't want me to, because I don't want to ever force you to lie or keep a secret."

Carrie took her hand. "I'm okay Marlena, I really want to know. I want to be able to support you, whatever you need."

Marlena nodded. She clutched the sonogram to her chest, tilted her head back, closing her eyes she drew a deep ragged breath. She exhaled slowly, "Okay..."

~~~~~

Carrie wiped the tears rolling down her cheeks. "So this baby... is, was, Daddy's?"

Marlena simply nodded, not able to speak for the tears that felt as though they were lodged in her throat.

Carrie stared at the sonogram that she held. "I wish Daddy was here."

"Me too sweet girl."

Laura took Marlena's hand. "Honey, I wish you would've told me this sooner. You've been carrying a heavy load for months."

Marlena shrugged. "Not exactly easy to admit I committed adultery."

Carrie looked up. "We would have understood... or at least I would have. I knew you loved Daddy. I could tell every time I saw you two together."

"I have no right to love him, or do what I did. I'm married to Roman."

Carrie stood abruptly. "Please... don't start with that again!"

Marlena sighed. "It's the truth Carrie... what I did was wrong."

Carrie turned to her. "So what? This baby was wrong? This baby was a mistake?" Marlena tried to reach for Carrie, but she pulled away. "I don't care what you say, this baby would have been a blessing! This baby could have brought our family back together the way it should be! No matter how many different ways you try to explain it, I will never forgive Roman for breaking up our family! HE is the reason Daddy left... and HE is the reason everything is so messed up!" Carrie dropped the sonogram picture and ran out the door.

Marlena sobbed. "Laura... please, please go after her. She has to know that I would never, never call this baby a mistake or regret it... PLEASE!"

Laura picked up the picture and gave it to Marlena. "I will sweetie. Do you want me to tell the nurse your ready?"

Marlena nodded. "Yes, please. I just want Carrie to be okay, please help her Laura." Laura turned and walked out the door, leaving Marlena crying and clutching the photo to her chest. "Please God... help me to make this right!"