Insufferable (Tom Kaulitz)

Lullaby

It was nothing but silence the entire way back to the house. I couldn't tell if it was the shock or the constant fighting to keep the vomit down but either way I didn't mind the silence.

Death always scared me, which is interesting seeming I've had a few attempts in my life at my lowest. I think it's harder being alive and witnessing someone be here one minute and gone the next.

Tom drove with his eyes straight ahead, he'd occasionally shift around in his seat or glance at me, his hand rested on my thigh the entire ride.

I couldn't find the strength to fight him anymore, the amount of death that I had witnessed in the span of a few months was surreal. The sound of the gunshot flashed me back to the police officer..

I knew there was a reason for Georg and Gustav blocking the car windows while it was happening but nothing could protect me against that sound. The sound of instant death.

—

TOMS POV

Tahlullahs legs jiggled under my hand the whole way home. I couldn't shake the guilt of putting her through another traumatic event but this was the life I was involved in and if I wanted her in my life she'd have to put up with it.

I knew this was the only way to save her, martins family would've stopped at nothing to avenge him. Eliana was a pain in my side but she was always a loyal pet. I hope she's at peace.

The confused look on her face when I played with her hair and told her she'd look so good as a red head. The way her eyes lit up to appease me, it was too easy.

I never payed attention to the afterlife, I treated life as game and never let myself get too attached. That was until I met her. Tully.

Her name was the first thing that caught my attention it was unique yet odd but it fit her so perfectly. I think I realized my feelings for her the night we kidnapped her.

The way her frustration spewed out of her, the anger, the hurt, the defeat. She was smart and strong but watching her crumble showed me that there was truly someone out there that understood pain the way I did.

I began to lose myself in thought, the memories of my parents flooding my mind. Me and bill would sitting in front of the television after school, our mother giving us a healthy snack before dinner.

The way we'd scramble to our bedroom when we heard the creek of our front door opening. Everyday was the same till we were sixteen. Our father would come home from work, sit in front of the TV and our mother would fetch him a bottle of whatever booze they could afford at the time.

The way he'd drink himself to sleep until dinner was ready and if we dared to be in his presence after he got done work we'd be his personal ashtray.

We never spoke at dinner either, our mother would make us say a prayer and I'd peak up from my hands to see the cold, dead stare of my father mocking her for believing in a god.

I always got the most beatings from him. I was older and stronger. Bill always enjoyed feminine things and was fragile, he would be punished anytime he got caught indulging in our mothers makeup or read fashion magazines so I'd purposely act out to bring the attention away from him.

The times I'd walk to school with my face black and blue and pretend I'd fallen on the playground.

Nighttime was the only time we felt safe, we'd fall asleep to occasional arguing and furniture being smashed but most nights were quiet.

When we turned fourteen our mother grew ill.
She put on a front it was a sickness but she'd been doing drugs for a while at that point, prescriptions to numb herself just enough to fake a smile and continue her motherly duties. She died of an overdose on our fifteenth birthday.

It was on that day me and bill made a pact to live a better life. To never fear another man and to never allow ourselves to be hurt from another human being. We treated our dogs better than any person in our life.

We became established in Tokyo when we ran with bigger gangs. We met Gustav and Georg and decided to instil fear throughout the city. We reeked havoc amongst the other gangs and never hesitated to kill.

After a few years of this lifestyle I travelled back home to Germany one last time. Our father was in the same house, on the same quilted lounge chair with brandy in one hand and a cigar in the other. I didn't hesitate when I took his life. I haven't hesitated since.

—

TULLY POV

we pulled into the driveway and I immediately got out. I rushed through the front door and straight to toms bedroom. I curled into the bed and cradled myself tight. How could he do this to me again?

Why did I have to be there when it happened? Was it to prove something? Or to scare me?

The sound of the gunshot playing over and over again. The way everyone stood there coldly as a young girls life was being taken.

It was hard to process anything in my head. I sat up in bed and looked forward at the mirror in front of me.

I heard a knock at the door and cleared my throat "come in" my voice cracked as I spoke.

Melanie peaked her head through the door and gave me a sly smile. "Hey how you doing?" She said sweetly

"Uhm.. I guess.. not okay" I muttered under my breath.

She walked in closing the door behind her and came to sit on the edge of the bed. She folded her hands over mine and rubbed my skin gently.

"I know that must've been hard for you to.. experience" she cleared her throat a bit in between her words.

I just looked at her like a deer in headlights. I couldn't find the words to speak back.

"El she.. she was a" she paused for a moment "I've known her for a while. I want you to know she knew what she was getting herself into.. we all do"

I felt my eyes squint into hers as the words she spoke angered me a bit. was she trying to justify what had just happened?

She acknowledged my annoyance to her and sighed to herself before rubbing at my hands again.

"Look.. it's not an excuse. But we all know the risks of running with a dangerous gang. We're disposable and that's just how it is. Your situation is different.. you didn't ask for this lifestyle you were forced into it. I want you to know this isn't your fault" her eyes pleading with mine to try and make me understand.

And in a way I did. I understood what she was saying. It wasn't my fault but I couldn't help but feel like it was. She was right I was forced into this.

I just nodded slowly to her and smiled a bit hoping she'd just leave it at that. I felt my eyes begin to tear a bit. I found a piece of Gwen in Melanie, the kind and caring side. The kindness I've been so desperately craving.

"Can you.. can you stay with me tonight please" I tried not to sound like I was begging.

She grinned at me and crawled onto the bed pulling me into her chest. Her sandy brown hair tickled my face as I snuggled into her. I focused on her breathing and found comfort in it.

She played with my hair and began to hum a familiar tune, a lullaby. The same lullaby my mother would sing to me when I was upset or sick.

I thanked the universe for this moment of peace and continued drowning my thoughts with the hums of her voice.

(Note. Hey guys me again. I really enjoy chatting with y'all after I write and letting you know my POV while writing. Sorry if this chapter is a little hard to read I'm super tired of got inspired and wanted to write before I lost my thoughts. I wanted to put in more of toms POV as suggested and show kind of the reasoning for his actions. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter !! Ps also apologize if some of the side characters appearances have changed, I took a break from this book and forget how I described them!!)