KanaMafu Poems [Project Sekai]

Poem #2

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean
Life back then seemed different for nearly everyone
And that includes mine
It has been years since the last time I truly smiled
It has been a while since the last time I enjoyed anything
It has been years since the last time I felt happy
Happiness? What's that?
I couldn't even say anymore

When I was small, I didn't know what I liked
because I was still growing up; I had plenty of time
One night I'd went to bed,
and a sudden scenario played in my head:
"I want to be a nurse."
I soon fell asleep with that dream of mine
Not knowing that it would be taken away from me
My mother shot down my nurse dream
and told me to become a doctor
I chose to listen, to comply
And now I regret that; now all I do is lie
About how I really feel
Deep
Down
Inside

Before I knew it, I was in middle school
With nothing to interest me
What happened to me?
Food tasted bland; My hobbies were nonexistent
I'd forgotten what I disliked; The fashion sense I had disappeared
..Who am I?
What happened to me?!
I could not even recognize who I was anymore
I just want everything like it was before!
I want my hobbies back -
I want my dreams back -
I want myself back..

Everything about me has disappeared,
Mother's lifelessly cold words placed me in fear
Did I just lose myself? Did everything about me just disappear?
Can I find the "old me" again?
Would I even be able to be myself again?
That question had a slight tinge of hope,
but it wasn't enough for me to cope
With the pain of losing myself

I don't want to lose myself!
I don't want that at all, but what am I supposed to do?
I felt trapped. My life then became a cage
I felt like a prisoner in my own life
To a dream I don't want
To a path I didn't pave for myself
To a state of mind that nearly broke me

Maybe things would be this way forever,
but I didn't want to think about it that way
I'd been led astray
Off a path that I did not want to go on

Nothing interests me anymore, not even eating
Even death sounds better than that
I have nothing now
No dreams
No favorite things
No hobbies
I don't even have myself anymore
I have nothing, because I am nothing

When it violently snowed that night,
my heart raced with anxiety and fright
Since everything I had disappeared, should I just disappear too?
I looked at my pitiful reflection in the snowy window,
deeply longing for the warmth of a glow
Of something. Anything --

When that came, that glow of hope
When you came to me as I was on a slippery slope
Of depression
We met, and from there it changed

Before that, all I usually did was cry
Unable to truly express how I felt
And now I write my feelings
..Thanks to you

When we met, was there going to be a change?
I did not know, but you took me under your wing
And I flew with the power of music
Alongside you.