Ken Life in the Gayhouse

The First Flirt

     "Ugh, Ken!" Barbie yelled from the entrance of the dreamhouse. 

     "Yes, Barbie?" Ken answered. He was in Barbie's ginormous closet, inspecting the mesh shirt section. 

     "Ryan sent me more cardboard cutouts of himself. Help me move them somewhere I'll never have to see them again." Barbie said. 

     "Aye, aye, captain." Ken picked up the nearest Ryan. 

     "Weren't you a sea captain?" Skipper said, appearing beside her older sister. 

     "I was!" Barbie confirmed, holding an armful of cardboard Ryans. They moved the cutouts to a storage room, already filled with them. Whenever Ryan littered Malibu with his life-size pictures, Ken and Barbie put them out of sight. 

     "I wish he would stop flirting with me," Barbie sighed. "He doesn't seem to take a hint and scram." She kicked a Ryan and they fell over like dominoes. 

     "I wish there was a way to get rid of him," Ken agreed. 

     "Oh, Ken," Barbie laughed. "Offering murder is sweet, but-" 

     "I'm not," Ken interrupted. 

     "How about you flirt with him, so he falls for you instead!" Barbie shook Ken by his shoulders. "It's perfect! You'll have the hotty with a body you've always wanted, and Ryan will leave me alone!" 

     Ken thought about this plan for a second. "Great idea, Barbie!" 

     "It's a great plan, right!" 

    "Wait," Ken said, stopping Barbie's cheer. "I don't like Ryan." 

     She frowned. "Oh yeah... I didn't think of that." 

     After a minute of negative vibes, Barbie realized something. 

     "It's better if you don't return his feelings. He'd make a terrible boyfriend anyway. Just make him love you so he doesn't chase me anymore," she said. 

    "He would be a terrible boyfriend," Ken agreed. "This is a good plan!"

<3

     "Barbie?" Ryan called from outside the dreamhouse. "Your man has arrived!" 

     Instead of Barbie, Ken opened the front door. 

     "Hey, hot stuff." Ken was shirtless. Not even a straight man could resist his plastic abs. 

     "Hey, Kenny boy," Ryan sneered. "Where's Barbie?" 

     "Oh, Barbie's not here." Ken walked towards Ryan. 

     "Well, when will she be back?" 

     "Why? Am I not enough for you?" Ken pouted. 

     Ryan blushed. "Uhhh..." 

     Ken leaned against the pink walls and looked him up and down. "Barbie's missing out." 

     "I know, right!" Ryan agreed, oblivious to Ken's advances. "I'm, like, super hot."

     "Yeah you are," Ken said, pulling him closer by the collar. 

     "Thanks," Ryan mumbled. He was clearly confused about Ken's closeness. But for once, he wasn't thinking of himself, or Barbie. 

     Ken let go of Ryan's shirt and turned back to the mansion. "I was gonna go take a bath, wanna join me?" 

     "Uh... no thanks! Enjoy your abs! I mean-- bath!" Ryan backed away, knocking over a cupcake stand. "Bye!" 

     Ken watched as the flustered Ryan sprinted away. Success.