The Night I Can't Forget

Chapter Four

I like you?

I like you...

I stared in the mirror and visualized the words Evans said to me; over and over again. Did I want to puke, scream, rage out? I didn't know what to do but stare in the bathroom mirror in the locker room and think about those words; over and over again. I turned him down, not like I was ever planning to accept his...whatever he wanted, anyway. I wasn't gay and didn't plan to have a gay moment with a rapist...let alone my rapist. I splashed some cold water on my face and looked at the darker bruise on my neck. I would have to wear a jacket in P.E., I guess.

As I was turning to get to my locker. A cycle of sweaty students walked into the locker room joking and emitting the most vile smell known to man...male B.O. I covered my nose with my shirt and hid the bite mark as best as I could before making it to my locker. No one I knew took gym with me. So I was safe from any awkward moments with old friends and rapists. The class before mine was a group of guys you called the flaunty type. They talked about girls and how many they manger to fuck or get sucked by.

"So I asked Christian about the note in the bathroom at the beginning of the year..." my ears perked up as they talked about something interesting for once. It was hard to listen in over the other sexual conversations, but I made out the best I could.

"He said that whoever wrote it, wanted to fuck up their chances for scholarships. Get them kicked off the team and all that bullshit."

"So...was it another player?"

"I don't know, but whoever it was is a liar and probably a fag."

I rolled my eyes at the statement and almost laughed aloud. I didn't know much about Christian other than that his dad works at the church my family goes to. I hope his dad knows that his precious boy is going straight to hell...express shipping.

The boys cycled out, and my class finally came in to get ready for our session. I never journeyed past my locker, the bathroom, or the door to leave. Because past that...past those areas is where they tied me up and stole anything I had left. I never go past those areas for that exact reason. My legs felt like feathers today and moved so quickly on their own. My heart was racing, and my head felt lighter than usual.

I stared at that bench, I looked at it hard and long and never let my eyes off the bench. The others stared at me strangely because I was acting like a complete weirdo, but I didn't fucking care. I stared at the; bench till I could feel them on me again. Till I could remember why I hated them so much. Till I could remember why I hated myself even more.

Evans' words are cheap, ugly, vile, and disgusting. Words like that are said by a man that's sick in the head...I know this. I know I hate him, but why do I still doubt myself? Why does my heart beat faster? Why does it make me question?

"Gabe! I'm locking up, come out." I looked up from my gaze at the bench and sighed before putting the hood of my hoodie on my head and walking out of that place. I watched the coach lock the door and stuff those keys in his pocket. I stared at that locker door for a while before getting in line for attendance. I wasn't; going to be a victim anymore, but I couldn't find the strength to be a survivor.
—-
"Hey, Dad...I'm having some friends over for a bit. Just call me when you can." I ended the call and looked up to the sky as I sat outside the parking lot on the only patch of grass that resisted turning brown in the fall. I watched every guy walking through those doors. My anxiety rose with the thought of Owen making his way towards me with Matthias. I wish I knew they were cousins. I wish I could have said that they couldn't come over, at least. I held my knees close to my chest and continued to look at the doors.

"So you're fucking him now?" I looked over, and Evan sat next; to me, looking straight ahead. He surprised me a bit, but I was over him and his fucked up agenda. I stayed silent and just listened.