South Park Shorts

And You Don't Seem to Understand

Based off of "Duvet" by Bōa

Warnings: Eating Disorders, Self Harm Mention, Suicide Attempt, Fluff with Angst(?)

And you don't seem to understand. You don't understand why I can't eat, why I can't sleep, why I can only ever think and you. Ever since my hand brushed against yours, you clouded my mind. You are the moon to my sun, you are cold but so comforting. I could stare at you for hours, stars surrounding you.

I love you, and I know you love me. There has never been a day where you haven't said it. But there's things you just don't understand. But it doesn't mean we aren't meant for each other.

I've struggled and struggled but for some reason, you've said on my darkest days. Days where I could sleep, where I couldn't eat, when I puked for just even thinking about food. But you stayed. You sat next to me in the bathroom and you held my hair back, you rubbed circles into my back with your fingertips. You stayed even if you didn't understand what was wrong with me.

You listened to be rant about whatever was on my mind, robots taking over the world, getting bombed by a third world country, seeing a new store while walking around town; or when I wouldn't stop and just showered you with compliments. I know you don't like smiling but every time I held your hand, kissed your cheek, or even said something as simple as: "I like your outfit," I saw a small smile on your face. That was always the light of my days, seeing your face, even if it was your usual face expression, I appreciated every part of you.

You mean the world to me. I've never loved something or someone as much as I love you. You drew stars on every scar, even if it wasn't from me and a blade, even if they kept reappearing, you would always draw dark blue stars over them, and I could sit and stare at them for hours; all over my wrists and thighs. Maybe you did it because you the stars, or maybe you heard that Taylor Swift song, or maybe you just loved me and you didn't want to see me sad.

You stopped the scars from reappearing for a long time, but then, they started coming back. You were my only happiness. No matter what I did, I felt, almost nothing. And if not nothing, sad, angry, distressed, but you made all of that flood away from my mind and only you were there. No matter what I overthought about, you were always my number one.

I stopped eating and started cutting, all my clothes that were already too big, only got bigger. As the moon grew every night and came closer and closer to my window. You are the moon, by the way. The stars got bigger and bigger, as my love for you only grew and you were now my only reason for living.

Even though there's a lot of things you don't seem to understand, there was a lot I didn't seem to understand about you either. Why you hated talking about your feelings, why you only ever let me talk, why you were always so dry to everyone else but so sweet to me. Why you chose me to be the one you love. Why? Why? Why? Why were you afraid to talk about emotions? Unless you weren't afraid, maybe you didn't know how to talk about it or express it. Me and you are complete opposites and I know our minds work differently, I think that's what made us look so good next to each other. But I'll never understand how your mind works, and I don't think I ever will. But nonetheless, I love you.

I could go on and on about you to everyone else. I could stand on a stage in front of the whole world and grab your hand, and raise it up for everyone to see, then they would know that you're mine, and I'm yours. Nobody would ever be between us, not even Michael. That was silly of me.

I don't need anyone or anything other than you, but life's hard when your body is so weak; so damaged. I can't remember the last time I ate, or slept. But I feel blood trickling down my arm, I see blood soaking through my clothes and blood under my shorts. All I can see is the color red...and you.

When I clean the blood up, all I'll see is black and white, and the only colorful thing I can see is you, standing in front of me. Or beside me, holding my hand.

I'm sorry, I really am. I didn't want to lay this on you but I can't go on, and if I had to say goodbye to someone, it had to be you. Even though you're the moon and I'm the sun, you somehow made my world colorful. I hope I could've really been the sun in your life, but maybe you need to find a new one. Because this one is dying.

I'm sorry Craig, but you didn't understand. Take care of Stripe for me. I'll always be look at you, even if you can't see it.

_______________

Read at 11:15 pm.

Craig wiped his eyes, salty tears getting in his mouth and on his phone.
"You could've made me understand."