friends

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Why can't I keep friends? When I really think about it, I don't have that one person I can spill all my problems to. I don't have anyone I can cry to and have them support me. I don't have anyone I can laugh and talk to everyday after school. I'd say I talk to everyone and have good relationships with people, but not that one die hard person. I blame it on our generation sometimes but I also blame it on myself. I don't really trust people either. Friends come and go all the time for me. Idk if it's my personality? Or if I'm just looking in the wrong direction. I get shut down a lot by people, especially when they start to make more friends. It's like they think they're too cool now to talk to me or be friends with me anymore. It's upsetting because I was there from the beginning when they had no one. I thought people were my friends but when I'm sitting by myself in the cafeteria when everyone else is in the gym, having fun and nobody comes to check on me, are they really friends. When I'm crying and nobody asks if I'm ok, are they really friends. When everyone else is hanging out outside of school and I'm at home, are they really friends? I tell myself that "you're not everyone's cup of tea, not everyone's going to like you" but then I think am I anyone's? Does anyone really like me? What is it about me? Do I actually have good friends and I'm just overthinking and exaggerating? I don't know, I'm going to high school next year and I pray for a new start and to make some really good friends. A whole new environment I'm actually really scared for. I hope it is truly a new start and people don't talk about the music or whatever. I just hope I vibe with people and maybe find that person. And if I dont... well idk what happens if I don't. I mean I'll be fine, I'll live, but life is more than just living. It could be worse, what if I don't make any friends at all, and people just make fun of me. I mean I'm thinking since I'm going to an all boys high school there won't be all that drama, at least that's what I'm thinking. Now that I'm thinking, maybe I don't vibe with boys my age because of my interests and personality. Most boys my age like sports and stuff of that nature, I like music and stuff of that department. Maybe that's why I've been friends with mostly girls in my years. That's just another reason going to an all boys high school is frightening. Friends make you cool. Walking down the hall, talking to someone (especially cool people) make you cool. I'm always scared of people looking at me and thinking "oh he's that kid with no friends" that's like the most hurtful insult I could get. I don't know why but I never want to be known as that guy. I don't like this about myself, but I look at friends like materialistic items more than actual people. Like the more I have in my collection, the more that boots me up and makes me more powerful. I hate that this is what's it come to but it is what it is.

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⏰ Last updated: Jul 13, 2023 ⏰

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