Travel

I'm scared of traveling. In all forms. As a woman I'm scared to walk alone, even in the daytime it can be terrifying. I walk with one headphone in so I can hear if someone is approaching behind me. I keep my purse clenched between my arm and my body. I hold my water bottle with my fingers between the top and the handle so I can swing if need be. I feel like 32 oz of metal would hurt. I'm scared to drive. Not that I think anything could happen. But the pressure of making decisions isn't my favorite. Especially if someone else is in the car I feel anxiety filling me up. But I also don't think I could drive alone. Even sitting in a car when the decisions don't fall on me I hate to sit in the car. If I have somewhere to be I hate sitting. Wish I could teleport. Being late scares me, watching the time tick and being stuck in traffic is petrifying. I can't sit still. I'm terrified of taking the train. All the peering eyes, all the people who can seek my kindness out and don't hesitate to say hello. To talk to me about their apps, their petitions, asking if I have a boyfriend. I keep my headphones on, sunglasses on, head down, and book or phone in hand. I'm terrified of flying.  Mostly because it's unknown, I've never been on a plane, I don't know what to expect and that scares me. I look at a menu and plan my order before I go to a new restaurant. I look at photos of the interior and exterior to plan where I'd like to sit. I like to know everything before going into it.  I don't like to be unsure. I'm not as adventurous as I'd like to be.  At 26 years old I'll be getting on my first plane. I'm in need of the vacation but I'm scared to ascend into the sky. The place where I feel most safe is in bed, in my lover's arms where I'm able to be as vulnerable and fragile as I am. I'm able to drop the brave girl act I put on everyday. I'm a homebody and I think that's okay.