Philophobia ❧ JEONGCHAN

6

The Beach-The Neighborhood

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Six months. It took Chris six months to understand that holding onto the past was what was driving him crazy. He had been reluctant to let go. Releasing the ropes came with the guilt he hadn't thought he was ready to handle. But when he talked to Vivian's parents-suggested by the psychologist Minho had recommended him to see after he spilled his guts about his ex-everything crashed down and those ropes he had clung to snapped.

They told him it was okay. He didn't need to hold on any longer. That he deserved to be happy. That Vivian wanted him to be happy. He probably would have had a wonderful life with her. They would have gotten married, had kids, and spent fifty years by each other's sides. It wasn't going to happen anymore, though. That was the truth and he was faced with it for six months.

He left their rings on her grave in a small treasure chest. He told himself he was forgiving himself for everything he had done and would do. He told her to be happy, too. While at one point he couldn't imagine a life without her, and day by day his heart died more with every reminder of her disappearance; but it wasn't him anymore. He wasn't going to let himself be afraid. He was going to face his fear. He added that he hoped she was proud of him, tears rolling down his face when he pressed his lips against the polished grave stone which read Vivian Turner.

And when he walked away, he felt his heart begin to stitch itself together. Of course, it wasn't easy. After getting rid of pretty much everything in his apartment he had to buy new things to decorate. New rugs, a new couch, new glassware. He replaced everything. There was only one thing he kept the same. The TV. For whatever reason he couldn't get rid of it. So it sat on a mahogany stand and watched over the living room while he was at work.

"Jeongin's back in Australia."

Chris' head jolted up from his phone, his hand smacking into his drink. He spilled it all over the table in the restaurant he was in with the group. "Shit," he cursed, grabbing napkins to soak up the mess he'd made. The guys laughed at his mistake and helped him.

"Someone misses their best friend," Felix said cheekily.

Chris wanted to remark that Jeongin was his soulmate and that under any circumstance he would miss him. Especially when he'd been gone for six months and not contacted him a single time. If it took him six years to get over a girl he met at fifteen its laughable to think six months would do anything to his feelings. If anything it made them stronger. He wanted Jeongin back by his side.

Jisung showed them the text Jeongin had sent, inviting them all to the beach the next day. Jisung had been the only one in constant contact with him. Chris stared at it for a second, heart shaking inside his chest. Jeongin was back. Anxiety came upon him with the thought of seeing the younger. Everything would have changed, right? What was the chance Jeongin still felt the same way about him? Slim to none.

He ignored it the best he could. He would think about it when he had the opportunity. For now he'd welcome Jeongin back. So he treaded the beach with Minho and Jisung the next day. The others would be arriving later because of work. The sand burned the soles of his feet and he hopped a bit, Minho scolding him for taking off his shoes at the wooden walkway. He argued that he hadn't been to the beach in a while despite living close by to it. Beaches were lame when you were alone and if he brought Hyunjin he'd probably get eaten by a shark.

"Where did he say they were?"

"Around here somewhere."

Chris let the couple figure it out as he searched the backshore for a familiar face. There was a lot of people. Some girls sitting in a circle under a tent with books and tin cups filled with alcohol. There were a few guys entertaining their kids by burying them in the sand. There was also a few younger people Jisung's age. One guy had a girl around his shoulders and he was twirling in circles. The girl was yelling with an array of laughs and it warmed Chris' heart to see such a cute couple.