Can words even describe?

Another life, change.

Another life, another life, another lif, another life, another live, another life, another lige, wnother lite, snither livge, anither life, ajyhet lfie, anotherlife, anohgeth libfe, anither life, anoverthr line, anither jive, anjothr kife, anikervlidw, smoyhwt luge,

Another life.

An other, life. But, why!? Just why not this one? Is it just chance? Was it something I did, said, misspelt, overexplained? What if I just want to be in "another life" ? Just to be with him, one, just like this, but better? Will that require me to... leave, this one? But even then would I be happy? I tried, tried, tried, tried, tried and tried and even after I was put down, pushed away, put out like a cigarette butt I still got up for it was, " my fault". I knew I wasn't worth it, I knew he wouldn't try for me the way I try for him and that is because I. Am. Not. Enough. I gave my all to him just to make him happy and he couldn't even spare a moment to say greet me upon sight. I need to be different, maybe? I am not pretty enough, I am not funny enough, I do not care enough I do not try enough even when I try my hardest because my all is not enough. Enough, for him. Him, him him him. Why... him? Because I love, him, of course. Love, love love love. Why, do I love him? .... Because, I love him. Do I love him, or do I love the memory, the thought, of him? Does... he, love me? Or does he love the feeling of being chased? Or does he love the feeling of confidence that my pain gives him, does it make him feel good knowing I would put everything down just for him, including myself. Did he, ever, love me? Did it ever matter, if I changed? Would it even require me, to change, or.. maybe, I, am not, the thing that needs, change?
-cgr.