Literally Kenjorine ! (Minis/Oneshots)

My Angel.

(Trigger Warnings: Suicide, Nightmares, Transphobia?, Mention of Abuse.)

My angel.
Last year my girlfriend of two years took her life on September Eleventh, that's her birthday. That was also exactly a year ago.

She left us all a letter, it reads; " Hiya fellas! I'm gonna go away for a while, things are getting really hard and I think I need a really long break. First, my parents ground me and they get mad and they hit and yell cause I said I wanted to be a girl. Second, Everyone except for Tweek, Kenny, Wendy, and Bebe forgot my birthday. Third, I have so much body dysphoria I can't look in mirrors anymore. And Fourth, I saw Kenny die right in front of me today. I lost my boyfriend on my birthday. Gee, I just don't think I could've handled life any longer, sorry fellas. "

The note was on a torn out page from her Hello Kitty notebook and placed in her shoe, that she'd taken off on the roof before stepping forward.

It haunts me everyday knowing that one of her reasons to go away was my death. She didn't know I would be back, you see. She thought I was forever gone, and I guess, she wanted to come with. It still hurts, and I know she waits for me up there, I just don't know when I'll see my angel again.

Oh my angel.

I tried to follow her up there when I found out she tried to follow me, but nothing worked. And now I'm celebrating her first birthday since she's been gone. And soon my first Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New years .. And dreadfully, Valentine's day.

And soon enough I'll go to prom without her, and I'll live without her, and I'll keep going without her. Her sweaters have lost all her scent and I long to hold her again. All I have left is voice messages and videos of the soothing way she spoke, and small gifts and trinkets she gave me.

I made sure to pick her extra flowers for her special day. I brought her a gift too, it's a small ribbon I tied into a bow, I was planning to give her a bunch on our three year anniversary. I skipped school and I celebrated her birthday with her friends. I miss her. I miss her so much.

She brought the sun to the days when rain was heavy, and her soft blonde hair between my fingers was a thing I'll never forget the feel of. I will never forget the comfort of her touch and how soft her cheeks were. I'll never forget the last time I kissed her, and hugged her, and gave her my parka when it got chilly.

I'm never gonna forget her blue eyes, or her slightly yellow teeth with a gap in between her front two. I'll never forget her beauty marks, or her dimples she got on her cheeks when she smiled or laughed. I'll never forget her nail polish and the way it felt when she offered to paint my fingers with her color. I'm never going to forget her favorite little bunny slippers she's had since fourth grade, I'm never gonna forget the first nightgown she wore happily with the little bow and the stars.

I'm never gonna forget all the times she talked to me about her interests, I'm never gonna forget when she told me everything that she struggled with and when she let me hold her through it.

I'm never gonna forget the night she made me come over to tell me she was my girlfriend not my boyfriend. I'm never gonna forget how happy she was when I kissed her anyway. I'm never gonna forget how much she cried when my sister called her the most beautiful girl she'd ever seen and how she couldn't wait for me and her to get married so she could be her sister too. I'm never gonna forget the way she jumped up and down when she heard my friends call her Marjorine when she hadn't even told them. I'm never gonna forget how happy she seemed when she was finally allowed to be a girl.

I'll never see that happy girl again.

I'll never forget how I walked into school the next day. I'll never forget how I asked everyone where she was and they wouldn't look at me, they wouldn't speak. I'll never forget sitting in my desk and patiently waiting for her to walk through the door and wave at me. I'll never forget how my heart sank. I'll never forget how I shattered when the teacher told us. I'll never forget how I had to be escorted out. I'll never forget the conversation with the principal about if I saw the signs. I'll never forget being pulled out of school early because I couldn't stop sobbing. I'll never forget how empty everything was. I'll never forget being driven to her house to collect things as keepsakes. I'll never forget the weekly counselor meetings.

I'll never forget the daily nightmares and the hallucinations. I'll never forgetting the dream of holding her hand, just to wake up and reach for her sobbing. I'll never forget my sister telling me she'll marry me so I won't have to be alone. I'll never forget the constant googling. I'll never forget the nurse visits because I chased something that wasn't there while I smiled with tears in my eyes. I'll never forget all the times I had to be taken home or brought to a hospital.

I'm not gonna forget the hundreds of pills, and jumps, and triggers pulled hoping to just see her again. I'll never forget how much pain I put myself through over and over, begging for it to work.

I'm not gonna forget the way my parents stopped fighting for a week and actually cares about me for once, hell, dad was sober until Sunday night. I'm not gonna forget the way that Stan and Kyle looked at me. I'm not gonna forget the constant check ins and the random texts from a bunch of girls who claimed to be her friend. I'm not gonna forget the kid I hit for saying she deserved it.

I'm sorry I couldn't be there when you needed me, Marjorine. I'm sorry that I let myself hurt so bad when you went away, I'm sorry that I wasn't there to hold your hand and take you away from the edge. I'm sorry your parents are shit and I'm sorry you weren't born in the right body, and I'm sorry you hated it so much. I know you're at peace now and you can't hurt anymore. I hope you're having a big Hello Kitty themed party up there with Pip and all your other friends you've made.

Happy birthday, angel.