Insufferable (Tom Kaulitz)

Shes not ready

I was violently awoken by my chest heaving and throat burning as I vomited hard into the toilet. Tom and Gwen had me propped over the seat while they took turns shoving their fingers down my throat.

I felt my eyes roll back and forward going in and out of consciousness.

TOMS POV

My blood boiled when she told me what had happened to her. Knowing another poor excuse of a man ruined her which caused her to lose our child.

I had stormed back into the kitchen and pinned Gwen against the wall, forcing her to tell me what happened to Tahlullah. She had no recollection of anything like that ever happening to her.

She told me how she had tried to kill herself a few months after her moms passing and that was the reason for the attempt but Gwen knew nothing of the real reason.

I gathered as much information as I could about this so called ex boyfriend. I'd ruin him. I'd kill him.

When I came back to the room I seen Tully fast asleep on my bed. She looked peaceful in a morbid way.

Her body was slumped over loosely and her arm drooped over the side of the bed. She normally woke up and pretended to go back asleep when I entered but this time her body stayed limp.

I walked over and inspected her. I placed my hand infront of her lips and felt nothing. I was quick to flip her onto her back and place my fingers on her neck to feel a faint heartbeat.

I screamed for Bill and began to carrying her into the washroom. I looked up to see my Tylenol bottle was half empty. I began to aggressively shove my fingers down her throat.

She gagged a bit and I watched as her eyes rolled around in her skull.

Gwen came rushing into the washroom, I seen her face turn completely white. She got on her knees beside me and we both began to make Tully throw up.

She vomited violently and we continued to make her sick for what felt like forever.

I felt the guilt rush through my veins. I had almost killed her that night and a part of me wish I had. I had put her through so much suffering and pain.

For whatever reason I couldn't fight the urge to care for her. It was different when she came into my life. I knew I had to have her.

I went from constant violence and hell in my life. Treating every woman no better than my dogs but she was different, she lit a spark in me I craved my whole life.

I haven't felt comfort in a woman since my own mother and maybe that contributed to my addiction to her. She was like a drug I could stop taking.

I was close though. I almost killed her but when she said she was pregnant I felt a weight lift off my shoulders.

I always kept the hope she'd eventually want me, she'd see me for a man not a monster. I was abusive and a horrible human but it's hard to shake bad habits.

Now she had really done it. She had really tried to end things and I seen her for who she truly was.

She was just like my mother. When I seen her limp on my bed i had flashbacks to coming home and seeing my mothers lifeless body laying there.

The way my dad sobbed over her and blamed me and Bill for her passing. My mother was sick but we all knew the real cause of her death.

I felt my eyes water a bit as Tully choked and coughed. Gwen looked at me with her face twisted.

"Are you seriously fucking crying right now" she glared at me.

My eyes sharpened as they darted to meet hers and I smashed her hard across the face.

She whimpered in pain and just looked down but continued to help me with Tahlullah.

I watched as tullys  eyes fluttered open and she finally looked up at me. She looked almost lifeless. Her eyes were sunken in and her face was ghostly white.

"Let me die" she mumbled

"GET OUT" I screamed at Gwen.

She scrambled to her feet and took one last look at Tully in my arms.

"You're the cause of all of this Tom. Admit it or not she never wanted you and never will. You caught it this time but god help her in being successful the next time" she spat then ran out the bathroom.

Her words angered me but deep down I knew there was truth behind it. All the times she'd seduce me just to trick me, she never truly wanted me.

I cradled her in my arms. I was losing hope. I never had to fight this hard for anything in my life. But I didn't want to lose her, I couldn't lose her.

TULLY POV

we laid there, I felt numb as he cradled me in his arms. He rested his head on mine and I just stared up to the medicine cabinet. I was so close.

I felt more defeated this time then the first time I had my attempt. And again there was Gwen spoiling everything.

Tom stayed silent as he held me. His face was emotionless as he rocked us back and forth. He eventually cared me back to his bed but didn't leave my side for the whole night.

Every hour he'd wake me up and shove water down my throat and force feed me some fruit or bread. I don't think he knew what he was doing but in a way I could appreciate the attempt.

I couldn't figure out my emotions anymore the only thing I wanted was peace. I wanted the nothingness of the afterlife.

I tried to be thankful for getting a third chance at life but I couldn't help but spite the universe for its mockery of me.