The massacre by Kosta Kecmanovic

1. Who i am ?

1.
Hello my name is Kosta, Kosta Kecmanovic i am 13 years old and I live in Serbia and I am a good student of Vladislav Ribnikar school I get good grades and my parents are happy with me.
My father is a doctor, he works a lot and when I come home he is usually exhausted and needs to rest. I get up in the morning, eat something, go to school, have 6/7 lessons and then come home to sleep and then start all over again.
I like playing action games with guns and where it's about war or violence, I don't know it distracts me from school because I have something that a lot of people don't know or don't take seriously when I tell them. I don't tell many people, I'm a bit ashamed of it, my parents don't have time to take care of my problems, I suffer a bit because I don't feel understood and don't get enough attention.

2. The school is a terrible place
My secret and what makes school a terrible place for me : I am bullied in my class, they call me a nerd, they expel me, when I report they laugh at me, this makes school a terrible place for me . I wouldn't say that I like going to school, I hate it, I don't like studying or the math classes, I actually like them, it's the other kids. The teachers ? They don't do anything, I tell my mother and my father, nobody understood, I only heard "kosta stay strong", "don't listen to them", "it gets better"! I knew nothing would get better. I mentioned several times that I wanted to change shifts, but like I said, nobody was interested... yes

3. New class new hope.
One day, after long talks, I was allowed to change classes. I was in grade 7/2 they all looked nice it looked like everyone was friends with each other they laughed together, helped each other and even in the playground the whole class stood together. We had kids who were shy and kids who were loud and not shy at all, girls who put on makeup and just did girly stuff but also girls who were natural and played soccer. I was hoping that things would get better that I could find friends and finally prove myself in school and make my parents proud if I was the best. Everything went well I had friends went to dinner with them, they wished me a happy birthday on the break I played basketball with my closest friend Veljko and had a lot of fun in class for a while.

4
New great old feelings
I don't know why but one day no one liked me anymore they didn't say anything to me not even a look they sent me I heard them talking about me being a nerd and stuff. It felt unrealistic and I immediately realized that nothing was going to get better. I was scared, I didn't know what to do next. tell my parents go to the teachers? Or just endure it again like the rest of the years? I didn't know anything anymore, I distracted myself with studying or playing my video. My parents didn't have much time for me I know they work a lot to make sure we're fine but it made things worse. I couldn't go to my father, he made sure that I could change classes, he was reassured that everything would be better now. I don't want to upset my parents and didn't say anything.

5 . The internet, my safe place
I understood much more that I get more attention on the Internet, many wrote to me on my cell phone. I was in contact with people I liked and who liked me. And understood me. So there was this one man on the internet, I told him everything about how I was doing and what was on my mind, he understood me. I felt understood for the first time and it felt good to play violent games with him, I felt like I just forgot what was going on at school and I felt good. I now had a friend to play with and he introduced me to his friends, they were all strong and tall and they wanted me to tell them my story. I told them every detail and they said "kosta you have to take revenge, you're a strong boy and you have to do something" "don't be a pussy and don't do anything" I knew I had to do something that should show everyone who I am. I didn't know what I was thinking about things like putting glue on the chairs or telling lies about them, but I knew it wouldn't do any good. I was only bullied more, more each and every day. I could not anymore. I only went to school to not have to be at home. I haven't been able to participate in class for a long time. I couldn't clear my head anymore. My friends support me and stand by me. They talked to me for hours about what I could do to make it stop.