Book Reviews

AnointingYao: Death's Melody

Thank you for requesting a book review from me AnointingYao! Readers, please check out their profile and read their works if the following review interests you. 

Small apologies to AnointingYao. It's been a while since I've done a review on Wattpad and I like to think that my knowledge of critiquing has marginally improved. It may seem like I am suddenly being much more critical of your work than my previous reviews, however, that change in tone does not reflect on you or your abilities as a writer. 

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Death's Melody is an ongoing werewolf-mafia (ambitious!) story that follows a damaged young woman who enacts revenge on people who have hurt her in the past.

Positives: I really enjoyed your poetic, almost humorous, descriptions. I got a good chuckle out of the sentence "She consumed the sight slowly as one would sip sea" right after she murdered a bunch of people. This description paints an ironic but vivid image of an innocent young girl barely acknowledging all the mayhem she just caused. I also feel that your characterization, especially for the main character, is very strong. 

Overall, your prologue is strong and makes me want to continue reading.

I enjoy the characterization of your main character. The juxtaposition between her murderous tendencies and innocent appearance is a nice touch. 

In general, your scenes are pretty descriptive, which is awesome! Attention to detail is something that can really pull a reader into your story.

Areas for improvement, general: Overall I would focus on polishing your usage of passive voice, sentence structure, switching between past and present tenses, and your usage of incomplete sentences.

Be sure to clarify that the citizens of the town mentioned in chapter two (a misplaced pup) are werewolves. Technically it's only implied until later, not specifically stated.

Work on showing, not telling. Your first chapter (the prologue) does a pretty good job of setting up a vivid story with the necessary background information, however, I found myself getting bored pretty quickly and skipping over sections in the second chapter (officially, chapter 1). Try to find a way to integrate information and world-building, such as how the pack operates, more naturally. A solid paragraph of background information will get boring for most readers.

The transitions between each chapter are a bit jarring. Initially, I'm not really sure what the main character has to do with the family introduced in chapter two, or why the book is switching between the two perspectives. 

I think providing the main character's name earlier on in the work would be helpful and help cut down on needless confusion later in the story.

The ending of the Prologue is a bit abrupt. I would suggest adding a little bit more, especially about why the Italians call her "La Melodia Della Morte". Why are "the Italians" important in the first place? Does the story take place in Italy? Does she have a reputation in Italy, if so, what specifically? Is she of Italian descent? As of now, the references to the Italian language are unnecessary.

Grammar and Punctuation

Passive Voice

The first thing I noticed when I started reading was that you seem to rely heavily on passive voice, which is a form of sentence structure where the subject of the sentence is being acted upon rather than the focus being put on the action itself. I'm not going to say that you should NEVER use this style, however when used too often or in the wrong place it can make the writing feel stale.

For example, this sentence in the first paragraph "The sky for some unknown reason was darkened by dark clouds" is an example of passive voice. To avoid passive voice, this can be changed to "For some unknown reason, dark clouds darkened the sky."