Dark Tide

Chapter 2

But after all my wildfires and ruins,
how is it that you trigger me,
breathe my soul with déjà vu
and your dancing black feathers?

Her face is turned sideways, helmet pressed against his back as they cross the Hangang. She focuses on the reflection that the next bridge along casts on the water. Twinkling red and amber car lights interweave amongst the constant blue and silver glow of the illuminated structure. She is still a little in awe of the way that this city never seems to sleep until after the sun has risen; as if her nocturnal soul was meant to be here all along.

Up against his warmth, with her hands wrapped around his waist, she wishes they could drive forever. As they inevitably climb the inline towards the apartment complex she tries to cement the sensation of him against her arms and her thighs in her mind, as a memento of this moment before it is over, slipping out of reach on the river-tide.

Standing by the side of his bike in the yellowish lights of the parking level, she awkwardly hands him the helmet and shuffles her feet, trying to find the words to say goodbye to him, the thing she knows she deliberately avoided last summer.

As she sucks in a breath to speak, he beats her to it, his eyes cast downwards, as if he is suddenly shy or uncertain. "Can I hang out with you?" he blurts out. "I mean... I'm not tired... would he mind?"

"No, he wouldn't," she answers, regretting instantly how abrupt and certain her reply sounds. "...at least I don't think he would..." she adds, trying to hide her keenness.

"You go ahead. I'll be there soon. Which number?" and she's vaguely surprised, as she tells him, that he's not already worked that information out too. Then she walks to the elevator, leaving him by his bike, her hands clasped together in front of her, the perfect fingernails of her left digging into her right hand with the nervous anxiety threatening to overwhelm her. As the elevator doors slide closed, he looks up, locks eyes with her and smiles that knowing smile that she has never managed to erase from her mind this past year.

Back in her apartment, she flusters around, pointlessly straightening cushions and stacking used coffee mugs into the dishwasher. Then she tries to top up her concealer and foundation and lipgloss, without it looking too obvious. She is trying to hide the mascara smudges under her left eye, from crying earlier, when her door chime sounds, and she jumps, shrieking a little, wondering how the hell she coped with that day and night last summer.

She checks the spy hole from force of habit, and her stomach flips like drunken butterflies to see his tattooed sleeve arm on the other side. She pauses and watches him. He is shifting from foot to foot, swaying slightly, in the way he does, never quite able to be still. His jacket is clasped in one hand now, and he's pulled a black bucket hat onto his head, down over his eyes. She remembers how, when she first returned to Seoul in the autumn, her gaze would hopefully fix on and follow every guy with a hat like that, until familiarity crushed her hopes underfoot.

When she opens the door, his mouth breaks into a grin, and neither of them move or speak for an indeterminate moment, before she steps aside to let him in. He unzips and kicks off his heavy boots, seeming almost agitated. Then he bounces past her, childlike, into the apartment, leaving her standing transfixed on his boots discarded next to hers, just inside the door. He stands in the middle of the main open-plan room, his eyes wide and boyish.

"Wow. It's the same as mine, but backwards!" he exclaims, and they both giggle, and she's relieved that the dark shadow which hung over his soul earlier has lifted. "I brought this," he says, placing a bottle of whiskey on the worktop, and his hat next to it.

"Oh!" she replies, taken aback, "I don't drink anymore..." and something in his expression falls, "...not since Hallowe'en..." and he nods; does not question her. And she is glad she can avoid telling him about the nights in Songjiho when she blacked-out her pain with soju and gin.