«I can't believe that she really asked me something like that.» I murmured, letting out a sigh, as I watched my image reflected in the mirror, letting Heather tie the zipper of the blue dress I was wearing.
«It was cruel of her, but I am very proud of you for accepting. This demonstrates the wonder of the person you are, and the exorbitant way in which, despite everything, you still care about her.» She replied, lightly stroking my shoulders, letting our eyes meet through the glass material.
I felt completely tired, as if someone had penetrated my body to eradicate all my energy.
«I don't know if I can do it.» I whispered, biting the inside of my cheek as soon as I felt my eyes start pinching.
How would I go to his bachelorette party? How would I have presented myself in the club like nothing had happened? like she no longer had any kind of effect on me?
I could feel my body being consumed by a pain that I had never felt before. That would have been the final goodbye. I was really losing her, forever.
«Yes, you can do it. You can do every single thing Cher.» She contested.
«I don't think so. Today I'm going to have to support this fucking party, pretending that everything is going well, and then, as if that wasn't enough, I'm going to have to make a fucking speech for her, since she asked me, and then in a couple of days I'm going to have to celebrate their fucking wedding. I will never be able to get through all of this. I can't do it, I...I don't want to do it. I don't want to say goodbye to her.» I murmured, feeling the earth begin to disappear from under my feet.
And I who had never sought love, had ended up finding it in a pair of brown eyes, which after eight years continued to be my home, despite the various obstacles to which we had been subjected.
Staying away from Toni was the hardest thing that had ever happened to me, the more distant I was from her the more I felt my breath starting to get heavy, depriving me of the ability to breathe optimally.
Although in all those years I had tried to prove myself strong, pretending that in the scratched me, living without her was starting to become impossible. I was scared.
I was incredibly terrified of everything that could happen.
I felt a part of my heart burning from a tumult of emotions, which ignited even more because of disappointment. Although I had tried to be as hostile as possible towards her, in all those years, a part of me had never stopped believing in us, of believing in our return, and yet, I had been so stupid that I clung to such a superficial idea, that it had done nothing but volatilize over the years. I had lost her. I had really lost her this time, and there would never be anything that could give her back to me.
«I don't know how to live without her Heath, I can pretend to. I can show myself a bitch when she's around me, make her believe I'm fine, but then, when I find myself alone, I can't carry on this staging. I'm not ready to say goodbye to her. I know I have to do it, but despite all the harm she has done to me, I continue to hope only for the best for her. Despite all the evil he has inflicted on me, I continue to hope solely for his happiness, despite the fact that the latter goes to hinder mine. I can't let her go, I'll never be able to say goodbye to her at all." I Confessed , feeling my heart weigh down as the words quickly flowed out of my mouth, before finding myself wrapped in a comforting hug.
«You love too much, Cher.»She whispered. She was right, but I couldn't do otherwise.
Toni had entered my life on tiptoe, opening the doors of my world wide, without asking permission, conquering me in its entirety. She had believed in me even before I did, giving me a motivation to keep fighting, even when every beach seemed to be useless. She had always fought for me, to get to know me, to help me, to save me, and it hurt to know that she wouldn't do it again.
Nothing made sense without her. I felt like someone had torn my life out of my hands, taking away forever the chance to be happy, because without her I was no longer able to be myself.
