Between Lust & Love

Chapter One

With a growling stomach, I opened the freezer, took out a frozen pizza from the top shelf, and returned to the kitchen where the preheated oven awaited me.

"Don't stop believin', hold on to that feelin'," the voices of the band Journey echoed from the speakers of my smart speaker, and I couldn't help but sing along, swept away by the positive energy.

After setting the timer for fifteen minutes to get the pizza crust nice and brown, I scrolled through social media. Among some scantily clad women on Instagram, I watched a few stories from my friends who were currently at a party. Normally, I wouldn't miss such an event, especially since Carlo, one of my closest friends, was hosting it. However, I hadn't had a weekend to myself in almost a year, so I decided to take some rest. I didn't find it difficult to socialize or initiate contact with people, but I believe everyone enjoys that feeling of simply existing undisturbed.

In some of the stories, I watched girls from my year dancing, not shying away from showing off their bodies. In the background, some couples or friends were making out, not caring if thousands of people on the internet saw them. I swiped left to see the next story and saw Carlos's face. He had recorded a private Instagram story, viewable only by a select number of people. In it, he and some friends were singing along to some songs, clearly drunk. He had also tagged me and wrote, "We miss you here, man!"

I liked his story and continued swiping. The next stories were just photos of some girls having a private photoshoot in the bathroom, as is typical at every party. There were visible love bites on the fogged-up mirrors, and the motto "Drink, Dance, Kiss, Fuck, Repeat" was written in lipstick, with a big heart around "Kiss" and "Fuck." On the right side of the large mirror, I saw my name written with dark red lipstick. The "o" had been replaced with a small heart. That could only be Lea's doing. Most people in our year knew that she had been into me for a while, and she didn't keep it a secret. A few weeks ago, we had a wild weekend, or rather a two-night stand. We had agreed beforehand that it would be just about sex, but she couldn't keep her eyes off me ever since and commented on every picture I posted. To be honest, I didn't mind; I even enjoyed it a little, but of course, I couldn't tell anyone.

Carlo was brave to host such a party. I would never let so many teenagers into my apartment, especially since it was not Carlo's house but his parents', who were away for the weekend. I enjoyed throwing parties and had a great time, but I always rented a venue or a hall, so I didn't have to clean up all the mess and vomit alone.

I rarely discussed this with my friends unless they asked me about it. I didn't want to brag or make it a big topic of conversation. I did what I enjoyed and no one had the right to interfere. However, I wasn't bothered if almost the whole school knew about it. Let them. Let them watch me with their eyes on the schoolyard and talk about me, I thought.

I couldn't change that, and as long as nothing false or negative was being spread about me, it didn't bother me either. However, there were many people at school who had a wrong image of me. Some, with whom I wouldn't even dream of being involved, claimed I was the biggest fuckboy of this generation, only after one thing, and treated their partners disrespectfully. I didn't pay any attention to such people. I knew myself best and how I truly was. From the girls I had been with, I heard only how sweet I was and how great the sex was.

For me, it wasn't just about sex. It was about having a great time with the girls. Just last week, I went to a nice restaurant and took a walk by the water with a girl from the 12th grade, a year below me. We ended the night with a lot of fun at my place. She wrote to me the next day, saying it was an amazing date.

I had been living in my own apartment for over a year. Thanks to social media, which had been my main occupation for more than four years, I earned a lot of money through collaborations and events, enabling me to afford it. That was a great advantage for my lifestyle. My parents, of course, were aware of what their son did in his free time, but they didn't mind. They believed it was my life, and I should make my own decisions. They promised to always support me and stand behind me. It was even a common topic of conversation during family gatherings, though they omitted the adult part. They really didn't want to know about that. I had a younger brother and sister, both sixteen. They didn't judge me and thought it was cool that I did what I wanted. Our family was very open and relaxed about the topic of sex and everything related to it. While it was a taboo in other families, it didn't bother anyone in ours, and we talked about it just like any other subject. Although my hobby was unusual, I was otherwise a pretty normal boy. I did well in school, played a lot of sports, and loved gaming with my friends. Another hobby I had, but only my family and a few friends knew about, was singing. When I was alone at home, I would sing to myself. Besides recording covers, I sometimes wrote my own song lyrics, but I never showed them to anyone. Those who had heard me sing admired my voice, but I didn't want everyone to know about it. It wasn't embarrassing or uncomfortable; it was just a private part of my life. Since I shared almost everything from my life on social media, it was something special for me, and I wanted it to stay that way.