He hadn't had a full night's rest in weeks. Though he knew it was needed, his schedule was just too packed.
He would normally get back from the studio at 2 in the morning and practice would start at 8. Hoseok found himself unable to sleep sometimes, focusing on writing lyrics and learning new choreography steps he had to perfect.
He was too exhausted to eat sometimes, so he found himself losing weight quickly. Last he had looked in the mirror, his face had been gaunt and dark eyebags had sunk deep into his skin. He had noticed his clothes being even baggier than usual, though he didn't dwell on it too much. He had more important things to worry about.
The members were getting worried about Hoseok. He would always turn down shopping trips with them, and he never wanted to go other places with them, claiming he was too busy. It was getting concerning.
"Hyung, do you want to go for lunch with me and Taetae?" Jimin asked one day, hoping Hoseok would agree for once. He had been turning him down for weeks, and Jimin missed having his hyung around.
He thought about it. Maybe a little break wouldn't hurt. And maybe going somewhere else would give him a change of pace and a new experience for his writing. "Okay. What time and for how long?"
Jimin was relieved. "Meet me out front in an hour."
Hoseok nodded and turned back to his computer, quickly typing something up and adding a beat to the melody.
The lights we saw in each other were saying the same thing.
He felt proud of this line. It would work in the song he was co-writing in, Mikrokosmos.
An hour passed and Hoseok looked at his phone, then panicked. He had to meet Jimin now.
He grabbed his mask, wallet, and phone and stood up, immediately realizing how dizzy he was. He steadied himself on his desk, then rushed out the door.
Jimin and Tae were already outside waiting for him. "Hobi-Hyung!"
He waved to them, still feeling dizzy.
Jimin frowned. "Are you feeling alright?"
He nodded, but that made him feel worse. "Can we go now? I need to keep working later."
The three started their walk down the sidewalk of the city, which was quite beautiful right now since the weather had been pretty good recently, not that Hoseok had had much time to admire it, considering the amount of work he was doing.
"Where should we go?" Tae asked. "There's a cafe I went to with Kook a couple weeks ago. It was pretty good."
Jimin nodded and smiled. "That sounds good. We'll go there. Hyung? Is that ok?"
Hoseok gave them a thumbs up, following Tae and Jimin.
The cafe was small and quiet. The food smelled good, but Hoseok wasn't hungry. He had too much work to do, and just thinking about it was making him anxious.
Jimin handed him a menu as they sat down, sharing a quick look with Taehyung. Those two were so close, it was almost like they had a telepathy between each other.
"I'll go order for us all." Tae offered.
Jimin told Tae what he wanted. Hoseok was still staring at the menu, vision blurry.
"I'll just have tea." he told Tae. Tae frowned but went up to order, taking the menus with him to put back on the counter.
Jimin placed a hand on his, concerned. "Are you sure you're feeling alright?"
"I'm fine, I promise."
***
He was not fine, of course he wasn't. After going for lunch, when he was back in his studio, his bones ached.
He felt like crying, that's how badly his body ached. His head was pounding, and he felt like he was going to throw up.
He tried to write a lyric, at least one lyric, but his mind physically couldn't handle it. He was just so tired.
Just staring at his computer was making his head pound. He was useless. He wasn't even able to take care of himself properly. Who would even like an idol like him?
Laying down on his couch in the studio, he couldn't help the tear falling from his eye.
He couldn't do anything right.
** *
Hobi made sure he fell asleep early that night. He wanted to be ready for tomorrow's practice, and he didn't want to disappoint the other members even more than he already has. He wouldn't be able to handle it if they were mad at him.
Yet, when he woke up the next morning, he felt the worst he'd felt in a while. Everything ached and he couldn't move.
"Hyung, are you ready? We have to leave soon." Namjoon said, coming into Hobi and Jimin's shared room. Once he saw Hoseok still in bed, he immediately became worried. Their dance leader was almost never in a state like this.
Hobi slowly pushed himself off the bed, groaning as the world spun.
Namjoon frowned. "Are you okay?"
He was tired of that question. He felt like he answered it all the time. "I'm fine."
Namjoon sat down next to him and ran a hand through his hair. "You know, it's okay to not be fine all the time."
And just like that, the dam broke. He started sobbing, falling onto Namjoon and gripping the leader's shirt, not caring if it got wet.
"Joonie, I don't know what to do anymore! Everything's just becoming so overwhelming. I can't do all this myself."
Namjoon wrapped his other arm around his hyung and pulled him in for a hug. "That's why there's seven of us."
"Six more of us to take your burdens."
***
Feel free to leave requests! They will be a lot longer than this, I just didn't feel up to writing today and I had posted this one on AO3 and just added a few more sentences to it.
