Just Don't Tell (Larry Stylinson fanfic)

Title: Just Don’t Tell

Characters: Louis and Harry

Warning: may be triggering

I sit next to the hospital bed and squeeze his small, pale hand in mine. Louis has had leukemia for six months now. He says I should stop visiting, that I should start detaching myself now, so that when he’s gone I won’t completely break. I tell him I would never leave him, for anything in the world. I guess I fall asleep in the chair because I am awakened by a tiny voice barely whispering “Hazza, Haz, c’mon get in bed with me” I open my eyes and see the blue eyes that used to sparkle looking at me, pleading. “I can’t Lou, you know the rule” I respond, taking his hand in mine.  “Please!” he says, fluttering his lashes in a begging way he hasn’t done since X-factor days. “Just don’t tell” I say and climb in with him. He laces his fingers through my hair and as he sleeps he gives gentle little tugs. I want to sleep, I really do, but the doctor said that he doesn’t have long left, so I find myself always by his side, never even glancing away. Because he promised me the rest of our lives, and I have to somehow fit that into the next two months. The next morning Louis wakes up shortly after the other boys show up to visit. I start talking quietly with Liam quietly about simple things, traffic and weather, as he we both are very skilled at avoiding the biggest subject there will ever be.  He hands me a coffee, the way I like it with no milk and two sugars. I put my lips to the Styrofoam when suddenly a loud beeping goes off, my head whips over to Louis, and see the heart monitor has slowed its rate so much i would mistake it for a flat line if I hadn’t spent so many nights in this room, memorizing the glow of his heart beep. Which just stopped. My cup hits the floor but I take no notice. I am standing over Louis, shaking his shoulders “LOUIS! LOUIS WAKE UP! NO YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME YET LOU!  Boo bear don’t leave me…” I manage as I sink to the floor. Doctors rush in and the nurse takes out a large syringe. The last thing I see is Louis’ face, the eye sockets sunken, the way his cheekbones stick out from not eating anything proper in days. I wake up with my head in Niall’s lap. I open my eyes wider and see I’m in the waiting room outside the intensive care ward. “icu? ICU?!” I whip my head around and find Liam, “LIAM WHY IS HE IN ICU!?”  “calm down Harry he just needed a quick surgery!” I don’t even know how to respond to that so I sit back against the hospitaly smelling couch and put my head in my hands. About an hour later a doctor comes out and speaks quietly to Liam. Liam turns around after a moment and says with a so obviously painful smile, “we can see him in an hour”. For the next hour I just sit with my eyes closed, remembering the past three years for all they are worth. When we first met and his adorable voice barely managed “Hi”, performing together all those times, the day he said he would never leave me, how young and nervous we were that first time, all the times after that.  And then I feel it in me, the thing telling me that this is our last spring we will spend together. I stand up and practically sprint down to the hospital’s main lobby. I walk into the tiny jewelers and pick out two wedding bands. At the counter the woman gives me a questioning look, but she must see the tears in my eyes and nods, handing them back to me in a small velvet box. I pocket the box and take the elevator back up to Louis’ floor. I walk into the room and Liam nods to me, signaling that we can go in. I walk in and am instantly shocked by how small and frail and fragile he looks. His face is a pale color, which makes his cheekbones look bruised. “Hey Boobear” I say, choking back tears. “Hey Haz!” he whispers. I have to do this now, I can feel in my heart that he won’t make it much longer. “Can I ask you something Lou?”  I look at him pleadingly and smile.  “Of course Hazza” he says as strongly as he can. I can see how weak he is. “You can ask me anything, you know that silly!” I take this as my cue. I get down on one knee next to his bed and ignore the gasps that come from Liam, Zayn, and Niall. “Louis Tomlinson, from the moment I laid eyes on you, 3 years ago on X-factor, I knew I loved you.  And since then, I have never stopped loving you, Louis, will you marry me?” he looked so surprised, for a moment I thought he was going to say no, but then the brightest smile I had seen in months spread across his face, “Oh my god Harry yes! Always yes I love you too Harry oh my god yes!” I stand up and wrap him in my arms. “ohmygod I love you so much Lou.” We stay like that for a few minutes until the nurse comes in, “oh, we should start arranging something then…” she says with a so fake smile, and a tone of bad news carried under her paid for smile. “I know we want to get married” I say confused. “He has about two days to live, he said he wanted to tell you…” she gets a solemn look on her face and we all turn to look at Louis. “I just didn’t want you to worry Harry!” he looks as if he’s about to cry, “I’m sorry Harry!” he puts his face in his hands and I can hear the crying noises coming from him. “No, no, Lou, it’s okay, you just cared about me, it’s fine, baby its fine” Him not telling me is fine. Him dying in 48 hours, not so fine. “Really Hazza?” he asks sniffling. “Really Boo, really” I respond softly and plant a kiss on his forehead.

We make some arrangements and by ten that night Louis was looking as good as ever in his suit and tie, even if he was in his wheelchair. I was dressed up to, I was going to wear a tie, but Louis insisted I wear a bowtie, “just how it was when we met” he reasoned to me. So here I am, standing at an altar, next to my dying husband, in the hospital chapel. “Harry Styles, do you take Louis Tomlinson to be your lawfully wedded husband?” the priest asked in a gravelly voice. “I do.” I said smiling at Louis. “Louis Tomlinson,” the priest said turning to Louis, “I do.” He answered before the priest could finish, smiling so big I thought his jaw would break. “You may now kiss.” The priest said and took a step back. I bent down and gave Louis a good, long, proper, kiss. “Uhm, we should get back-eh,um” Liam said awkwardly trying to get us to separate. “Alright then” and smiling I picked up my beautiful husband and carried him up to his room, setting him on the bed.  

Zayn popped the cork on some cheap campaign, and we all pretended we weren’t celebrating in a hospital room, next to the boy who would leave us in less than two days. At the end of it all, I kissed Louis goodnight, and Liam guided me into the lobby, and made me rest on the couch. I finally drift off but am haunted by images of what it will be like after Louis leaves me. I wake in a sweat from the string of nightmares and tell Liam the idea that could make Louis the happiest man in the world, my final gift to him. About 20 minutes later Liam comes back into the room and nods, smiling. I smile, the slightest bit, wishing this event was under different circumstances. I walk into Louis’ room and sit down on the edge of his bed, gripping his tiny hand in mine. “I’ve got good news” I say smiling at Louis. “What is it Haz?” he asks smiling. “Uncle Si said we could if we wanted to, Lou we can come out!” I thought he would be bursting with joy but he only shakes his head at me. “Harry, I don’t want my last days to be spent being hounded by the press…” he looks into my eyes, “Sorry Harry, anything but, just don’t tell.” “Okay Lou.” I say patting his hand and smiling. The nurse comes in and gestures that I need to leave so that Louis can get his daily round of injections. “And Harry?” he asks as I walk out, “Yeah Lou?” I ask smiling. This is my favorite part of our routine, “Love you Hazza” and blows me a kiss. “Love you too Boobear” and blow him a kiss back.

That night Louis dies. His last words are to Harry “I will always love you, even when I’m not there, just know I always love you, forever and always” after this he could not manage words but still stared into Harry’s eyes until the end, when his heart rate slowed so much he could not continue. In the weeks that followed Harry became dependent on alcohol. One night the pain became too much, and Harry stormed home from the local pub. He scribbled a note and downed a bottle of pills. Liam found him the next day. He was buried right next to Louis.

“Hey there Curly!” Louis said hugging Harry, I’ve missed you. “I’ve missed you too Louis, but we will never be separated again” he said grabbing Louis’ hand. “Promise?” Louis asked him seriously. “Promise.” And with this they walked off into the light, hand in hand, in a life, where they never had to hide their love, and no illnesses could tear one from the other.

 When Liam walked into Harry's flat, he was not expecting what he found. On the bathroom floor lay Harry's cold, unmoving body. He called an ambulance and they took away Harry's body. The rest of the boys soon arived, and eventually Harry's family. They were all a mess for days, not being able to go on twitter, or turn on the TV, for Harry was everywhere. Just as the news of Louis had died down, now One Direction was in the spotlight once more. But they weren't One Direction anymore were they? And when Liam realised this he lost it.  They were all a mess, but Harry's note was soothing, in an unsettling sort of way. But that's what it was.

Dear, well everyone.

        I’m sorry I had to go. A life without Louis is something I didn’t want to live. It was never your fault, you were all very supportive, and I want to thank you for that. For whoever finds me, I tried to keep it clean, no one wants a bloody mess. Gemma, you were the best sister anyone could ask for. Mum, I love you and don’t you ever forget it. I want the ‘mutual mummies’ to be happy now that I am with Lou again. Liam,  Zayn, Niall, I love you guys so much, don’t forget it. You need to take care of each other, and make sure Liam keeps his head on straight, he always was the most responsible. Now, I know all I ever wanted was to come out with Louis, but you gotta do this for me, just one thing. Don’t tell the paps about us, got it? I love you guys don’t ever forget it. Just Don’t Tell.

                                                                                        -Harry